I think @Major Tuddy is fat as well. Fat and gay. Gay to the point he'd suck the shit out of your rusty star of David. He will take payment of a scratched Norah Jones CD and a piss warm Steel Reserve.
I did the research for him and found a suitable place where he can meet like minded/bodied people. FitFarms has fat camps across England. He can meet other porkers, cry about portion sizes and flavor, and lose weight with them...
I apologize, I gave it some thought and looking back on my comment, sending me a pic of your mom nude would be traumatic. I took the liberty of finding a nude of her myself.