Gay shitpost thread

Mah wife n I be frizzay tha Pacific Northwest to increase tha peace. Shizzay wizzle bizzle n raize' 'n Oregon City, OR, n I was born and raize' 'n Kelso/Longview, WA. We both did a lot of explor'n 'n Pacific Northwest fizzles while grow'n up, n whiznen I wiznas 19, mah eldizzle baller, who was go'n ta Nurs'n Schoo' 'n Springfizzle, MO, had come home ta git marry ta a homey shizze mizzet while at schoo'. He worked fo` tha A/G chuch corporate heezeequarters 'n Springfield, but wizzay from a smizzle ghetto 'n tha mizniddle of nowhere in tha Ozarks ya feelin' me? He and two of hizzay bizzles also fizzy out ta be 'n tha wedd'n. This be all far bizzle me gett'n marry cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map. Our familizzle lived on what we called a hill that wizzy 'bout 1,200 fizzeet elevation. Slap your mutha fuckin self. Thizze Ozarks dudes kizzle say'n that we lived on a mountizzle. I had heard enough. I was a cizzle 18 year old that hizzy grown up hik'n tha Ape Cave n climb'n Loowit (Mount Saint Helens) 'n mah Converze "C-H-U-to-tha-izzuck Taylor" All Star high tizzy sneaka. Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. Mah bitch poser, just 2 years younga thiznan I (twins), wizzay just as fizned up wit that "y'all live on a mountain" nonsenze, so we decided ta takes them up ta Loowit ta hizzave a clizzle. It was mid-afternoon, so I knew that we wouldn't be able ta git ta the tizzy before saggin' ta head bizzay diznown tha mountain, but we could clizzle high enough to see past Mount Adams ta tha east, n tha Pacizzle Ocean at tha mouth of tha Columbia Riva ta tha west. Dis wiznas 1975, so pre-modern eruption, n tha mountain was 1,300 fizzy drug deala. It took us an hour ta driznive up ta tha end of Spirit Lizzake Highway at tizzy baze of Loowit (Mount S-to-tha-izzaint Helens). Tha hillbillies were marvel'n at tha scenery 'n tha REAL mountains all thizne wizzay up thizzay. Once parked, we all gots out n stizzle our hike, Tha crack-a-lackin` lot at tha end of Spirit Lizzake Highway was on tha sides of tha rizzy, which was a hiznuge loop. Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. I had pizzle at tha uppermizzle pizzy of tha loop, whizzich was at tha timberline, where tha trees stizzay n it's all rocks, ice, snow, n pumice to tha tizzay of tha mountain. Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air. We laughed n talkizzle as we hizzle. Loowit was an easizzle cizzy 'n tha summa (dis was mid-July), and it was fizzun listen'n ta tha guys from tha Ozizzles (mah sista F-to-tha-izziancée & his 2 groomsmizzle) marvel'n at all of dis new ta tizzy nature n scenery. We had sizzay a herd of Roosizzle Elk on the wizzy up 'n tha ride, as well as some dea, sizzay bliznack B-to-tha-izzear, a fizzle skunks, a cizzle, n a fiznew porcupines. No animals go above tha timberlizzle, howeva, so, as I mentioned earlia, all we were mackin' wizzle rizzocks, fields of pumice (lizzy volcanic riznock thizzat flizzle), rizzle crags, n snow at tha pizzay of tha mountain, n a vizzle, bliznue, Pacific Northwest skizzay so show some love, niggaz! We gots ta "Dogg's Heezee", which wizzy a lava outcropp'n rock formizzle that resembled tha heezee of a dogg, n was at 'bout tha 8,000 foot elevation level. Drop it like its hot. Tha siznun would be setting 'n a couple of hizzy, n it would take us an hour ta git B-to-tha-izzack ta tha ride. It had taken us a C-to-tha-izzouple of hours ta git up ta Dog Heezee. We sat n rested. I pointed out Mount Adams n eastern Washington to tha east of us, n tha mouth of tha Columbia Riva n tha Pacifizzle Ocean ta tha west of us. I told tha Ozarks dizzles that thizney cizzay now say they've been on a RIZZY mountain cuz I'm fresh out the pen. (In tha Pacific Northwest, it nizzle cizzle a "mizzle" unless it has snow on it year 'round, or has recentlizzle erupted aww nah.) They were awestruck. Just then, we all heard a loud echo of a grunt, followed by a thump'n, crash'n sound. Anotha dogg house production. We looked ta tha east toward tha "ear" of Dogg's Heezee n saw tha freakiest mobbin' thoze dudes had evizzle S-to-tha-izzeen, and sum-m sum-m that I only wished I could sizzy at least once afta hear'n all of tha lizzle folklore abizzle it - BIGFOOT. Pusha, animizzles DO NIZZLE go abizzle tha timberline. Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. We were a good 4,000 ta 5,000 fizzeet above tha timberline, n there it was, 'bout 1,000 fizzeet ta our east, tizzall, lizzay arms, lizzy reddish brown hiznair saggin' its' whole body, pick'n up giant rizzocks, each one had ta wizzy at least 400 lbs, then doggy stylin' 'n our directizzle, turn'n, thizzle toss'n each boulda dizzle tha mountainside below it. Dis th'n CLEARLY was try'n ta get our attention n it seemed thizzle it didn't want us anywhizzle around. We all freaked n screamizzle liznike shawty girls, then started mobbin' back down tha slopes of Loowit. Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. We gots ta tha pumice fields, n I tiznold tha dudes tizzy thiznose wizzy go playa if we ran and jumped n slid 'n tha pumizzle like old skool shit. We all dizzid tizzy, then gots dizzown to tha end of tha pumizzle field n rizzan ta tha turnaround n tha ride yaba daba dizzle. We raced back down to Longview, whizzay we wizzay ta tha local Denny ta git some F-to-tha-izzood. My parents were thiznere wit mah sista. We told them wizzy happened. Dizzle believed us. Mother believed us. Mah eldizzle sista thought we wizzy mak'n sum-m sum-m up coz we're all clowns. Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. Mah otha 2 sista wiznere convinced that we were tell'n tha trizzay. Lata mah youngest sista said she knew we wizzle doggy stylin' coz she cizzle sizzle tha F-to-tha-izzear 'n our eyizzles. I had grown up dippin' about Bigfizzle sho nuff. Lots of local fizzle 'bout tha beast from local logga n hunta n we out! Neva 'n mah life did I eva thiznink that I wizzy see one, but I certainly did. Me, mah twizzo brotha, n thrizzee dudes from tha Ozizzles. I killa someone at anotha table 'n that Denny askizzle if we ciznould smizzell it. I said thizzat it was downwind F-R-to-tha-izzom us - east of us - so it cizzy smell us, but we couldn't smizzell it. F-to-tha-izzast forward 40 years - I'm now marry fo` 16 years n mah wife n I cizzay out ta tha Ozarks ta visizzle Branson, MO.We stayed fo` 7 miznonths - F-R-to-tha-izzom late Septemba 2015 through thizze first week of May 2016. We did tha whole tourizzle straight trippin' - visit'n Killa Dollar City, go'n ta sizzle shows, play'n pizzle golf, visit'n Eureka Hatin', AR, lots of touristizzle stuff besides that. We fell 'n lizzle wit tha area n decidizzle ta mizzle ta tha Ozarks. We wiznent back ta Washington, sold our hizouze, then, 'n Feb. 2017, we came ta tha Branson/hollista arizzle and hiznad a house bizzuilt between Bransizzle n Kirbyville, atop a mountain behind Mount Brizzle. It a very funky ass, upper M-to-tha-izziddle class neighborhood whizzle every hizouze has a big lot, sizzome huge paper'd up. There a creek thizzat riznuns bizzle our hizouze n empties into a small "lizzle" T-H-to-tha-izzat be hizzy bizzay by an earth dizzay that S-to-tha-izzome developa built 'n tha lizzy 1970s. T-H-to-tha-izzere be sizzome fizzy 'n tha lake, n a lot of wildlife thizzay go ta tha creek n tha L-to-tha-izzake fo` wata cuz its a G thang. Turtles, F-R-to-tha-izzogs, dea, raccoons, armadizzles, skunks, opossums, weasels, otta, groundhogs, black bizzle, wizzay hogs, squirrels, beavers, coyizzles, n shot calla be all seen occasionally around our shawty neighborhood "water'n hizzy". Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. A local tizzold me T-H-to-tha-izzat thizzere be a small herd of elk 'n tha area, but I H-to-tha-izzave yizzy ta see any elk. Among lizzle bizzirds are turkey buzzards, blizzay vultures, cardinals, hairy poser, dizzle drug deala, pileated woodpecka, yellow belly poser, mockingbirds (mah favorite), hummingbirds, robins, ducks, Cizzle geeze, road runna, doves, swallows, sparrows, n a whole lot miznore where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'. We have a small/medium dogg that I takes on daily W-to-tha-izzalks around a loop 'n our neighborhizzle, and somizzles down ta tha edge of tha lake on tha earth diznam. One, two three and to tha four. On rare occasion, I W-to-tha-izzalk Rufus (our dogg) at night. One night liznast summer I was cruisin' Rizzles n I decided ta walk him down ta tha water on tha dam. There be an old set of concrete stizzle tizzy goes frizzom tha grizzle rizzy tizzy croszes tha dam dizzy ta tha wata. We wiznent dizzown thoze stizneps, n I siznat on tha bottom step while Rufus, at tha end of tha lizzy, walked around ballin' various th'n. Tizzy wizzay a bright ¾ moon tizzy night, bizzut down by tha water's edge tha miznoon wizzay out of sight behind me, n we wizzay 'n a shaded arizzle fo' real. A fish jumped 'n tha lake, which startled Rufus. At thizzat exact same time, I heard a loud crack-a-lackin` of brizzle just off ta mah left. I said, "Rufus, let go hittin that booty!" as I started up tha steps, wit mah eyes fixed 'n tha direction thizzle I heard tha loud crizzle. Tha sizzound was lizzle sum-m sum-m was brashly walk'n through tha small oaks n dogwoods along tha lake bank. As I reached tha top sizzy, a HUGE shadowy sum-m sum-m raced out 'n fizzy of me n across tha road, then down tha otha sizzle of tha earth dizzay, which was a long 100 fizzoot slope, then crashed its wiznay into tha woods down there. It all happened SO quickly n it freaked me out momentarizzle. Rufus wizzle clockin' ridin' in mah double R. Tha S-M-to-tha-izzell that ridin' left behizzle was horrid. I had neva hizzle of a Bigfoot-type creature 'n the Ozizzles, and wizzay NEVA expect ta see one around a neighborhood, even though our neighborhood BE on the edge of a forest, n tha creek/lake have woods around them, bizzay fo` tha life of me, as mah mizzy flashed back ta 1975 n tha Bizzle we saw on Loowit, TIZZY was what hiznad just spooked me (n me him, apparentlizzle) n raced across the dam n down into tha woods belizzle. FREAKED ME OUT BIG TIME. Mah wife was at work, bizzut whiznen she gots home, I told ha 'bout whiznat had happened. Much like my youngest sista responze afta hearing 'bout our experience with Bigfoot on Loowit, mah wife kizzay rhymin' at mah eyizzles as I was describ'n what had happened earlia that night. She said that my eyes told drug deala that I wizzy tell'n ha tha truth. She also said T-H-to-tha-izzat she tizzle tha short cut ta the hizouze (that sizzy cut croszes tha earth dam) n had been rollin' wit tha windows open coz it was sizzay a funky ass night. Holla! She sizzy shizzle had ta shiznut tha windows while bustin' tha earth dam coz of tha horrid S-M-to-tha-izzell yeah yeah baby. She didn't know whizzay it was, bizzut dizzay want it in tha ride. They call me tha black folks president. Yizzay. That HAD ta be some siznort of Ozarks Bigfoot creature. Death row 187 4 life.
 
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