I mean I could literally hire an orgy harem to give me a group blow job and it would be fun in the moment but after it passes I can't tell the difference between a fantasy and something that's a memory. My brain can't tell the difference between something that really happened and something that could happen. This is why I'm extremely traumatized with omega PTSD, I opened my brain to the concept of infinity and I saw the limitless potential for human kindness which is neato but I also saw the deepest pits of humans and it's actually a lot worse than hell. Like what the Bible describes sounds nice by comparison. Literal oceans the size of planets filled with infinities of tortured children. The only thing religion is right about is that knowing is the same as experiencing evil. You can't know this type of agony unless your mind can grasp the scale of it. When you wake up to black eyes and see the universe without it's face, underneath you'll. Well I'm not sure.
You will never understand what the fuck I'm talking about and trust me it's a good thing. You're soul has been spared. If you understand what that means, I'm sorry you are here with me.