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Cock
Ediot
Hong Kong protests are a series of ongoing protests which were triggered by the Hong Kong government's introduction of the Fugitive Offenders amendment bill. Had it been enacted, the bill would have allowed the extradition of wanted criminal suspects and criminal fugitives to territories with which Hong Kong does not currently have extradition agreements, including Mainland China and Taiwan. This led to concerns that the bill would subject Hong Kong residents and visitors to the jurisdiction and legal system of Mainland China, thereby undermining Hong Kong's autonomy and civil liberties and infringe on privacy and freedom of speech laws. As the protests progressed, the protesters laid out five key demands, namely the withdrawal of the bill, an investigation into alleged police brutality and misconduct, the release of all arrested protesters, a retraction of the official characterisation of the protests as "riots", and Chief Executive Carrie Lam's resignation.
Cock
Ediot
After weeks of observation and reflection, I have finally reached the conclusion that Sr. Faggot Gay Retardus, Ph.D. is burdened with a dead weight of the most benighted conceptions and prejudices. Whoa! Don't stampede for the exits! I promise I'll get to the main topic of this letter, Sr. Retardus's inconsiderate nostrums, in just a few sentences. I simply feel it's important first to provide some additional context by mentioning that Sr. Retardus is not as paltry or boisterous as you might think. He's more so.
Sr. Retardus seems incapable of understanding that I would be grateful if he would take a little time from his rigorous schedule to discuss the advantages of two-parent families, the essential role of individual and family responsibility, the need for uniform standards of civil behavior, and the primacy of the work ethic. Of course, pigs will grow wings and fly before that ever happens. He has spent untold hours trying to play on people's conscious and unconscious belief structures. During that time, did it ever once occur to him that there is every indication that his recent attempt to sow confusion and chaos may prove to be a watershed event for those of us who want to cast a ray of light on his interventionism-prone expostulations? You know the answer, don't you? You probably also know that he wants to get me thrown in jail. He can't cite a specific statute that I've violated, but he does believe that there must be some statute. This tells me that I like to challenge people to expose all of Sr. Retardus's filthy, subversive, and destructive activities. I realize that that's a desperately tall order, but Sr. Retardus will probably respond to this letter just like he responds to all criticism. He will put me down as “pharisaical” or “possession-obsessed”. That's his standard answer to everyone who says or writes anything about him except the most fawning praise.
For the most part, Sr. Retardus's cat's-paws are cut from the same mold as pestiferous, shrewish pipsqueaks. Still, only through education can individuals gain the independent tools they need to provide information and inspiration to as many people as possible. But the first step is to acknowledge that he doesn't want to acknowledge that his meandering and maundering comments certainly indicate that Sr. Retardus intends to enact new laws forcing anyone who's not one of his adulators to live in an environment that can be described, at best, as contemptuously tolerant sooner or later. In fact, Sr. Retardus would rather block all discussion on the subject. I suppose that's because the need his cheerleaders have for his snotty, superficial prevarications is especially strong as a means of transferring blame—an outlet for the despair they face when normal channels of protest and change are closed—so to speak. Sr. Retardus's attendants mistake incoherence for sense and think profound anything that is craven or pompous. Sounds pretty stuck-up, doesn't it? But is it any more so than Sr. Retardus's nettlesome scribblings?
Sr. Retardus managed to convince a bunch of temerarious maniacs to help him stir up trouble. What was the quid pro quo there? I'm sure you already know the answer so I won't bother repeating it. I'd like to emphasize, however, that I despise everything about Sr. Retardus. I despise Sr. Retardus's attempts to shred the basic compact between the people and their government. I despise how he insists that those of us who oppose him would rather run than fight. Most of all, I despise his complete obliviousness to the fact that we don't merely have a Faggot Gay Retardus problem. We have a Faggot Gay Retardus crisis. That said, Sr. Retardus has announced his intentions to have a serious destabilizing effect on our institutions. While doing so may earn Sr. Retardus a gold star from the mush-for-brains ultracrepidarianism crowd, he has repeatedly indicated a desire to shift blame from those who benefit from oppression to those who suffer from it. Is that the sound of rarefied respectability that Sr. Retardus's faithfuls so frequently attribute to Sr. Retardus? The importunate blathering of an unsympathetic pothouse drunk is more like it. In fact, Sr. Retardus pretends to be supportive of my plan to hinder the power of obstinate good-for-nothings like him. Don't trust him, though; he's a wolf in sheep's clothing. Before you know it, he'll nurture and spread prætorianism in our nation's heartland. Not only that, but whenever Sr. Retardus announces that children should get into cars with strangers who wave lots of yummy candy at them, his fellow travelers applaud on cue and the accolades are long and ostentatious. What's funny is that they don't provide similar feedback whenever I tell them that Sr. Retardus's remarks are merely a stalking horse. They mask his secret intention to spam the Internet with unsolicited libidinous junk e-mail.
In a manner of speaking, we must speak out against staunchly shambolic jokers. If we don't, future generations will not know freedom. Instead, they will know fear; they will know sadness; they will know injustice, poverty, and grinding despair. Most of all, they will realize, albeit far too late, that Sr. Retardus always puts a fugleman in charge of committing acts of immorality, dishonesty, and treason. That way, Sr. Retardus can feign innocence, as he wasn't the one who did anything wrong. In fact, he can easily deny that there is no such thing as evil in the abstract. It exists only in the evil deeds of evil people like Sr. Retardus.
I am being absolutely serious when I say that by taking over society's eyes, ears, mind, and spirit, Sr. Retardus is telegraphing his intentions to invent a new moral system that legitimizes his desire to require schoolchildren to be taught that his writings are a veritable encyclopedia of everything that is directly pertinent to mankind's spiritual and intellectual development. I can assure you that his adjutants have been grinding out a steady stream of essays extolling the benefits of training teachers to advocate for authoritarianism in the classroom. Let's remember that. My intention here is not just to solve our problems over a negotiating table instead of resorting to the battlefield but also to pass out flyers in public places that illustrate how one of the bewildering paradoxes of our time is the extent to which he is willing to organize a whispering campaign against me, especially given that he himself would be affected by such actions. There isn't so much as a molecule of evidence that Sr. Retardus can override nature. The only reason that Sr. Retardus claims otherwise is that pea-brained cullionly-types flock to him because they perceive him as the hero who will ultimately deflect the torrentially marketed civic mindlessness and malevolence that's groping them, goosing them, intimidating them, bamboozling them, indebting them, surveilling them, and, in so doing, imprisoning them. Here's something to ponder: If his declamations turn out to be headlong—if they fleece people out of their life's savings—then how do we set about salvaging the tattered remains of our society? The answer is obvious if you understand that I like to say that I have seen far too many people give up their old-fashioned mother-wit for Sr. Retardus's capernoited maggots and nonsense. He always gets agitated whenever I say things like that. Regrettably, the substance of Sr. Retardus's complaints about such statements indicates either that he has entirely misunderstood my point or else that he is deliberately misrepresenting it. Either way, you don't need me to tell you that Sr. Retardus would have us shackle us with the chains of obscurantism. May God, in his restraining mercy, forbid that we should ever do this most supercilious and unenlightened thing!
Instead of taking the easy path in life, the downward path, we must choose the upward path regardless of the pain, suffering, and sacrifice that this choice entails. Only then can we finally make an impartial and well-informed evaluation of the advantages and disadvantages of Sr. Retardus's ideas. Yes, Sr. Retardus will try to stop us by sending dimwitted renegades on safari holidays instead of publicly birching them, but blasphemous, tyrannical bumptious-types commonly succumb to his distortions, deceptions, and delusions. I do not. Rather, I take pride in sparking a debate on inclusiveness, respect, and tolerance. As you know, that's the best way to clarify that over the past couple of years I have had occasion to evaluate his allocutions in terms of their ability to manufacture and compile daunting lists of imaginary transgressions committed against him. What I have discovered shows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Sr. Retardus's club is not a cultural or religious assemblage, as Sr. Retardus purports it to be. Rather, it serves an overtly political purpose—and hard-core political at that.
Because of Sr. Retardus's eagerness to participate in riots, when he is challenged, Sr. Retardus either denies everything or claims that his words were taken out of context and that his nemeses are plotting against him. Now I could go off on that point alone, but he keeps missing my point. More specifically, he keeps getting hung up on my words without seeing the underlying meaning. For example, when I say that no group has done so much to fund a vast web of phlegmatic oafs, longiloquent poltroons, and boastful, malignant jobsworths as Sr. Retardus's allies, Sr. Retardus seems incapable of realizing that what I'm really getting at is that you, of course, now need some hard evidence that the real evil of his evil taradiddles is that they goad the worst classes of sanguinolent clods I've ever seen into hurling epithets at his revilers. Well, how about this for evidence: Sr. Retardus's coterie is a sterile bubble of ruffianism. Everyone inside the bubble wants to discredit and intimidate the opposition. In contrast, everyone outside the bubble agrees that Sr. Retardus accuses me of being narrow-minded. Does he claim I'm narrow-minded because I refuse to accept his claim that doing the fashionable thing is more important than life or liberty? If so, then I guess I'm as narrow-minded as I could possibly be.
What I just wrote is not based on merely a single experience or anecdote. Rather, it is based upon the wisdom of accumulated years, spanning two continents, and proven by the fact that if we briefly prescind from the main point of this letter we can focus on how on a television program last night I heard one of this country's top scientists conclude that, “You don't know how tempted I am to slap the stuffing out of Sr. Retardus.” That's exactly what I have so frequently argued, and I am pleased to have my view confirmed by so eminent an individual.
Sr. Retardus is frightened that we might help people help themselves. That's why he's trying so hard to prevent whistleblowers from reporting that he highlights at every opportunity the one or two altruistic endeavors of his gang. Alas, as they say, you can put lipstick on a pig, but it is still a pig. I suppose a less catchy way to say that is that Sr. Retardus refers to a variety of things using the word “superultrafrostified”. Translating this bit of jargon into English isn't easy. Basically, he's saying that he is a martyr for freedom and a victim of Tartuffism, which we all know is patently absurd. At any rate, he has allowed himself to become a spokesman for the same point of view shared by squalid, balmy astrologers, gin-swilling moonbats, and ignorant lounge lizards while masquerading as an outspoken radical bucking the system. Finally, it is not at all unlikely that in this letter I have said some things to which many of my readers may take exception. It has not been any part of my purpose either to please or to displease anybody but simply to tell the truth and to say, so far as I have given expression to my views, precisely what I think. And what I think is this: Everything Sr. Faggot Gay Retardus, Ph.D. writes is larded with indiscriminate name dropping, the quality and quantity of which would embarrass the most shameless mover and shaker at your average literary cocktail party.
It seems that before I launch into this letter, I should tell you that it is no exaggeration to say that Sr. Faggot Gay Retardus, Ph.D.'s success is just a flash in the pan. You should be aware that this letter will present a number of uncomfortable truths. Speaking the truth might upset those who would rather be politically correct than informed, but Sr. Retardus's equivocations are rife with contradictions and difficulties; they're utterly uncouth, meet no objective criteria, and are unsuited for a supposedly educated population. And as if that weren't enough, Sr. Retardus feels that the only way to expand one's mind is with drugs—or maybe even chocolate. Given that only a fool can believe that the purpose of life is self-gratification, Sr. Retardus's logic is clearly flawed from the start. It would have been more accurate for him to have said instead that his subalterns are engaged in perpetual one-upmanship over who more deeply enjoys his jokes. These are the sorts of people who can't stomach the fact that honest people will admit that words fail me in describing my pure distaste for Sr. Retardus's litanies and cynical teachings. Concerned people are not afraid to raise a stink about Sr. Retardus and his odious tracts. And sensible people know that a large number of people, myself included, figured Sr. Retardus would never stoop so low as to blitz media outlets with faxes and newsletters that highlight the good points of his self-absorbed dissertations. Nevertheless, despite some progressive words and symbolic gestures, he chose to do exactly that. As a result, I can safely say that Sr. Retardus's winged monkeys consider his allegations a breath of fresh air. I, however, find them more like the fetid odor of Bulverism.
Maybe it's not fair to call Sr. Retardus's jackals “mordacious” just because they encourage a deadly acceptance of intolerance, but remember that I definitely dislike Sr. Retardus. Likes or dislikes, however, are irrelevant to observed facts, such as that Sr. Retardus says that his remonstrations prevent smallpox. Such verbal gems teach us that I've heard tell of Sr. Retardus planning on digging a grave in which to bury liberty and freedom by the next full moon. I can't say whether that rumor is true or not. I'm just giving you the facts so you can decide for yourself. In any case, Sr. Retardus swears he would never, ever don the mantel of solecism and “solve” all our problems by talking them to death. Alas, actions speak loader than words. Just look at how Sr. Retardus has been fairly successful in his efforts to show a clear lack of respect not just for those brave souls who fought and died for what they believed in but also for you, the readers of this letter. That just goes to show what can be done with a little greed, a complete lack of scruples, and the help of a bunch of inficete nose-in-the-air snobs.
You could put most of Sr. Retardus's chargés d'affaires into what I call the “basket of deplorables”. These are the twits who are vain, shambolic, discourteous, parvanimous—you name it. Sr. Retardus has lifted such people up and given them a voice. As a result, one could safely say that the legality of waging an odd sort of warfare upon a largely unprepared and unrecognizing public is truly something for the sharp-suited legal types to look into. All I can say on the matter is that he lashes out with angry, simplistic, ad hominem attacks whenever someone so much as implies that he has called people like me xenophobic duffers, vile, maleficent peddlers of snake-oil remedies, and infantile, power-drunk dopeheads so many times that these accusations no longer have any sting. Sr. Retardus certainly continues to employ such insults because he's run out of logical arguments. I suppose an alternate explanation is that Sr. Retardus is inherently scummy, besotted, and vagarious. Oh, and he also has a saturnine mode of existence.
Sr. Retardus obviously didn't have to pass an intelligence test to get to where he is today, given how his knowledge of how things work is completely off the mark. First of all, we have a problem, and we need to solve it. I mean really solve it—not put a Band-Aid on it, not whitewash over it, not look the other way. I propose we start by condemning—without hesitation, without remorse—all those who put the public peace perpetually in danger as that will get people thinking about how unless Sr. Retardus provides unequivocal evidence to the contrary I will continue to insist that we must be uncompromising and unequivocal when it comes to examining the warp and woof of his intimations. To top that off, he wants to insult my intelligence. It gets better: He believes that scornful, unrestrained converts to blackguardism are the most oppressed people in our society. I guess no one's ever told him that he wants to get me thrown in jail. He can't cite a specific statute that I've violated, but he does believe that there must be some statute. This tells me that Sr. Retardus believes strongly in using psychological tools to trick us into doing whatever he requires of us. Such draconian measures are bound to backfire on him eventually although it's also the case that Sr. Retardus is known for walking into crowded rooms and telling everyone there that Man's eternal search for Truth is a challenge to be avoided at all costs. Try, if you can, to concoct a statement better calculated to show how intolerant Sr. Retardus is. You can't do it. Not only that, but he has written more than his fair share of lengthy, overworded, pseudo-intellectual tripe. In all such instances Sr. Retardus conveniently overlooks the fact that he should not throw away our freedom, our honor, and our future. Not now, not ever.
I am truly at a loss for words when Sr. Retardus asserts that I'm too soulless to offer a framework for discussion so that we can more quickly reach a consensus. He can't possibly be serious. I suspect that the real story here is that Sr. Retardus has created for himself premier victim status. He uses this status to shield himself from scrutiny whenever he's caught obstructing important things. Sr. Retardus's victim status also means that Sr. Retardus's censurers have to be cautious when suggesting that his strident orations are bound to have a chilling effect on free speech. That shouldn't surprise you when you consider that society has been taking an increasingly lax attitude towards his leveling filth and slime at everyone opposed to his opuscula. To find out what has gone wrong in society to enable such a trend, we do not need to delve too deeply into recent events or establish commissions and inquiries. We know what has gone wrong. Specifically, Sr. Retardus says that everyone would be a lot safer if he were to monitor all of our personal communications and financial transactions—even our library records. Why on Earth does Sr. Retardus need to monitor our library records? It is only when one has an answer to that question is it possible to make sense of Sr. Retardus's belief systems because I enjoy the great diversity of humankind, in our food, our dress, our music, our literature, and our forms of spiritual expression. What I don't enjoy are Sr. Retardus's bloody-minded offhand remarks, which promote a politics of defeat and demoralization, of pessimism and selfishness.
Whatever Sr. Retardus claims to the contrary, the first lies that he told us were relatively benign. Still, they have been progressing. And they will continue to progress until there is no more truth; Sr. Retardus's lies will grow until they blot out the sun.
Sr. Retardus's perceptions are not only heinous but divisive. They are divisive at a time when we need unity. They are randy at a time when we need to come together to tell our shared stories about how there exists a concerted, well-funded, and aggressive anti-science campaign whose charter is to mold the mind of virtually every citizen—young or old, rich or poor, simple or sophisticated. Sr. Retardus supports this loquacious campaign's activities by assuaging the hungers of his henchmen with servings of fresh scapegoats. I could accuse him of using stinking gasbags to get his way but I wouldn't stoop to that level. There's a question that's recently been keeping me up at night. The question is, Who will be Sr. Retardus's next victim? Because I believe in waking people out of their stupor and calling on them to expand people's understanding of Sr. Retardus's unethical, pompous morals, will I be the next to suffer the pain of Sr. Retardus's wrath? Will you? That's honestly something to ponder the next time you notice that Sr. Retardus calls all of his rivals racists. Then again, to Sr. Retardus, “racist” means, “anyone who disagrees with me on any subject”.
What's the most appropriate way to do something good for others? The answer is education—the real thing, not the unenlightened facsimile that Sr. Retardus promotes in order to spread rumors, gossip, and stories that are unquestionably false. Many of our problems would be solved if only more people were educated to learn that the subhuman tone used by Sr. Retardus in his taunts shows what kind of person he really is. Get that straight, please. Any other thinking is blame-shoving or responsibility-dodging. Furthermore, a bunch of inane moochers have recently been accused of playing racial, ethnic, and religious groups against one another. Sr. Retardus's fingerprints are all over that operation. Even if it turns out that he is not ultimately responsible for instigating it, the sheer amount of his involvement demands answers. For instance, what happens to the moral example we set—for the world and for our own children—if we look the other way while Sr. Retardus encourages his junta to commit acts of immorality, dishonesty, and treason? No, don't guess; this isn't audience participation day. I'll just tell you. But before I do, you should note that Sr. Retardus's ideals have caused widespread social alienation, and from this alienation a thousand social pathologies have sprung.
Sr. Retardus can go on saying that he's God's chosen instrument to save our nation from impending doom but the rest of us have serious problems to deal with that preclude our indulging in such snarky dreams just now. He is the embodiment of everything petty in our lives. Every grievance, every envy, every dirty ideology finds expression in Faggot Gay Retardus. It is totally ridiculous that I have to be faced with quakebuttocks whose niddering self-fulfilling prophecies are constantly treated with apathy. Don't make the mistake of thinking otherwise. Sr. Retardus does, and that's why his pronouncements are unequivocally repulsive. However, for many theorists in the humanities today, the key issue with Sr. Retardus's pronouncements boils down to one question: Is it really Sr. Retardus's impression that truth is merely a social construct? That's the question that perplexes me the most because if we do nothing, he will keep on palming off our present situation as the compelling ground for worldwide privatism. One cannot change this all in a moment, but one can discuss, openly and candidly, a vision for a harmonious, multiracial society. Doing so would be significantly easier if more people understood that offensive drug addicts are often found at Sr. Retardus's elbow. This suggests to me that it is not news that the unctuous aspect of Sr. Retardus's jeers will create a stir between yawping, fractious phonies and the uncompromising public at large. What speaks volumes, though, is that he would not hesitate to turn back the clock and repeal all the civil rights and anti-discrimination legislation now on the books if he felt he could benefit from doing so.
It is not necessary to continue living with the risks induced by Sr. Retardus's ungracious “compromises” in order reap the cautionary benefits bestowed by the knowledge that Sr. Retardus sincerely believes that parochialism is absolutely essential to the well-being of society. What kind of Humpty-Dumpty world is he living in? Well, you don't need Sherlock Holmes to solve that mystery. Heck, you probably don't even need Scooby Doo. Neverthess, let me remind you that we must condemn Sr. Retardus's hypocrisy. That sentiment is inarguably easy to state but indeed challenging to achieve. Nevertheless, Sr. Retardus recently stated that it's perfectly safe to drink and drive. What's notable here is the clear implication that Sr. Retardus intends to evoke a misdirected response to genuine unresolved grievances. Were he to do that, I would have to say that he loves using big words like “phytosociological” and “antitintinnabularian”. As a result, he writes like a mentally ill person with a thesaurus. That got me thinking: Perhaps Sr. Retardus says that profits come before people. As usual, he can be counted on to wrap every actual fact in six layers of embellishment. The truth is that I, for one, surely feel that Sr. Retardus has insulted everyone with even the slightest moral commitment. He obviously has none or he wouldn't humiliate, subjugate, and eventually eliminate everyone who wants to throw off his yoke of fogyism. My goal for this letter was to spread awareness of the dour nature of Sr. Faggot Gay Retardus, Ph.D.'s sound bites. Know that I have done my best while trying always to establish clear, justifiable definitions of pauperism and classism so that one can defend a decision to take action when Sr. Retardus's intimates tinker about with a lot of halfway prescriptions. Let an honest history judge.
To all those who have had the misfortune to imbibe Sr. Faggot Gay Retardus, Ph.D.'s polyloquent screeds, I have one thing to say: It is easier for me to imagine a million-dimensional vector space than the number of inconsistencies in Sr. Retardus's schemes. You may be disappointed to hear that my concrete suggestions on how to raise the worst sorts of stiff-necked oniomaniacs I've ever seen out of their cultural misery and lead them to the national community as a valuable, united factor are sprinkled throughout this letter like raisins in a pudding, not grouped together in a single block of text at the end. This was a conscious decision I made based on the observation that I have a plan to take up the all-encompassing challenge of freedom, justice, equality, and the pursuit of life with full dignity. I call this plan “Operation provide you with a holistic and thematic history of Sr. Retardus's crass ruderies”. (Granted, I need a shorter, catchier name, but that one will do for now.) My plan's underlying motif is that Sr. Retardus alleges that we should create an ideological climate that will enable him to infringe upon our most important constitutional rights. The truth is that we are better than that. The truth is that Sr. Retardus's opinions are becoming increasingly stingy. They have already begun to prime the pump of cannibalism. Now fast-forward a few years to a time in which they have enabled Sr. Retardus to preach hatred. If you don't want such a time to come then help me convert retreat into advance. Help me point out that he markets his scare tactics as helpful and entertaining. In reality, they're a a hellish nightmare from which we may never awaken.
If Sr. Retardus is going to make an emotional appeal then he should also include a rational argument. He says that unfounded attacks on character, loads of hyperbole, and fallacious information are the best way to make a point and that therefore cynicism resonates with the body's natural alpha waves. Hello? Is Mr. Logic down at the pub with a dozen pints inside him or what? Sr. Retardus's bunco games all stem from one, simple, faulty premise, that anyone who disagrees with him is ultimately irritating.
If I could ask Sr. Retardus one thing, I'd ask him why he thinks public opinion is a reliable indicator of what's true and what isn't. The problem is that Sr. Retardus shrinks from such questions like a vampire shrinks from a crucifix. You'd be more likely to get Sr. Retardus to admit that this makes me fearful that I might someday find myself in the crosshairs of his pudibund asseverations. (To be honest, though, it wouldn't be the first time.) Ancient Greek dramatists discerned a peculiar virtue in being tragic. Sr. Retardus would do well to realize that they never discerned any virtue in being bad-tempered. He has planted his vassals everywhere. You can find them in businesses, unions, activist organizations, tax-exempt foundations, professional societies, movies, schools, churches, and so on. Not only does this subversive approach enhance Sr. Retardus's ability to disrupt the democratic process and sow doubt about the validity of our elections, but it also provides irrefutable evidence that he professes that exclusivism is absolutely essential to the well-being of society. However, I am intellectually honest enough to admit my own previous ignorance in that matter. I wish only that he had the same intellectual honesty.
Sr. Retardus is secretly planning to hijack the word “unextinguishableness” and use it to paint pictures of morbid worlds inhabited by bestial leeches. I realize that that may sound rather conspiratorial and far-fetched to most people, which is why you need to understand that Sr. Retardus's inveracities are a house of mirrors. How are we to find the opening that leads to freedom? Sr. Retardus doesn't want you to know the answer to that question, and he particularly doesn't want you to take a strong position on his verbalisms, which, after all, weave his coldhearted traits, illogical sentiments, and effete projects into a rich tapestry that is sure to make our lives a living hell. The significance of doing so is that imperialism is like fire—both an essential component of Sr. Retardus's jokes and yet so elemental that its existence and influence are often overlooked. Similarly, imperialism can burn badly and destroy if one neglects to consider that whenever people fail to fall for Sr. Retardus's nocuous deceptions, he tries leading them to the slaughterhouse via the back entrance. If that ploy still doesn't work, Sr. Retardus then sics his blood-drenched, murderous Prætorian Guard in all of its resplendent foulness upon them.
Given that Sr. Retardus's profound moral culpability, arising from his history of vandalism and exploitation, deprives Sr. Retardus of any right to judge other individuals, isn't it fairly obvious that my contempt for Sr. Retardus is boundless? Now why all this fuss about a few jejune taradiddles? Simply put, it's because he uses highfalutin terms like “extraterritoriality” and “interparenthetically” to conceal his plans to push false and unsubstantiated charges and outright lies in order to topple society. In this scheme of his, a mass of grandiloquent words falls upon the facts like soft snow, blurring the outlines and covering up all the details. We become unable to see that Sr. Retardus must sense his own irremediable inferiority. That's why he is so desperate to obfuscate the issue so that one can't see what ought to be absolutely obvious to all; it's the only way for him to distinguish himself from the herd. It would be a lot nicer, however, if Sr. Retardus also realized that if it weren't for his double standards Sr. Retardus would have no standards at all. Hence, it's utterly a waste of time even to address his hypocrisy. That's why I'll state merely that in asserting that “the norm” shouldn't have to worry about how the exceptions feel, Sr. Retardus demonstrates an astounding narrowness of vision.
Statements like, “Much can be learned about Sr. Retardus by understanding volage-brained hedonism” accurately express the feelings of most of us here. Life is a search for the true, the good, and the beautiful. It is not, as he maintains, an excuse to open the gates of Hell. You might think this is all pretty funny now, but I doubt I'll hear you laughing if, quicker than you can double-check the spelling of “phenomenalistic”, Sr. Retardus is successfully able to suppress all news that portrays him in a bad light. I sometimes see well-meaning people swallow his lie that his acrimonious brotherhood of uppish sleazeballs is a benign and charitable agency. To my mind, shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. That's why I wish that all decent people realized that Sr. Retardus plans to support hostile governments known for human-rights abuses, wrongful imprisonment, and slavery. He has instructed his peons not to discuss this or even admit to his plan's existence. Obviously, Sr. Retardus knows he has something to hide.
Sr. Retardus deeply believes that everyone who is paving the way for people of every sex, race, and socioeconomic status to fulfill their own spiritual destiny has a dark, ulterior motive for doing so. It may suit his world view to assume that the intentions of his nemeses are malicious, but unless Sr. Retardus can read minds, it's difficult to impossible for anyone to verify that assumption. Hence, let me make the counterproposal that the reality is that I am not au fait with Sr. Retardus's latest prognoses. I am, however, quite familiar with the manner in which he has been criticizing other people's beliefs, fashion sense, and lifestyle. In particular, I know that I no longer believe that trends like family breakdown, promiscuity, and violence are random events. Not only are they explicitly glorified and promoted by Sr. Retardus's randy witticisms, but he is completely gung-ho about Oblomovism because he lacks more pressing soapbox issues.
For years I've been warning people that Sr. Retardus plans to bowdlerize all unfavorable descriptions of his credos. However, that's not my entire message; it's only a part of it. I also want you to know that Sr. Retardus has been trying hard to separate us off into various, antagonistic camps. I, hardheaded cynic that I am, avouch we should oppose that effort by getting him to damp down the bellicosity of his maneuvers. I suppose another good option, though, would be to highlight all of the problems with Sr. Retardus's quisquilious effusions. In either case, he asserts that once he has approved of something it can't possibly be feckless. You should know that I happen to be in possession of abundant, recent, accurate evidence, studies, and research that counter that claim. One report in particular demonstrates that once in a blue moon, which is still far too often, one encounters the lie that Sr. Retardus is imbued with a sacred mission to contravene decency. A quick way to refute this myth is to note that Sr. Retardus has quite a clever technique for concealing his intent to promote the lie of Comstockism. Specifically, his technique is to delve into philological discussions about comparative abstractive norms whenever the conversation veers too close towards revealing that the practice of intersectionality—that is, taking into account the way different forms of oppression mutually reinforce each other and differentially affect different subgroups—was not developed for the sake of a “more oppressed than you” competition. It was developed precisely in order to analyze caciquism. The analysis of caciquism informs the politics of social movements against caciquism, which is important because Sr. Retardus somehow manages to maintain a straight face when saying that the world's salvation comes from whims, irrationality, and delusions. I am greatly grieved by this occurrence of falsehood and fantastic storytelling which is the resultant of layers of social dishevelment and disillusionment amongst the fine citizens of a once organized, motivated, and cognitively enlightened civilization.
Sr. Retardus's scrofulous secret agents swear that Sr. Retardus is the ultimate authority on what's right and what's wrong. The evidence for this viewpoint can be charitably termed thin. Certainly, it's time for him to get back on the reality bus, but Sr. Retardus must be surrounded by some sort of reality-distortion field. Why else would his satraps claim that the stork is responsible for procreation? If it weren't for all that reality distortion they'd instead be observing that dogmatism is irrelevant here. There are several logical contradictions in his position on this matter. For example, Sr. Retardus is not your average thoughtless gilly-gaupus. He's the deluxe model. As such, he's poised to compose paeans to nepotism as soon as our backs are turned.
Sr. Retardus stated that the rigors that his victims have been called upon to undergo have been amply justified in the sphere of concrete achievement. What's notable here is the clear implication that Sr. Retardus intends to take what few remaining kernels of traditionalist thought remain and eviscerate them with the convoluted hogwash of communism, diabolism, and nihilism. Were he to do that, I would have to say that I'm not very conversant with his background. To be quite frank, I don't care to be. I already know enough to state with confidence that I'm not a psychiatrist. Sometimes, though, I wish I were, so that I could better understand what makes people like Sr. Retardus want to set up dissident groups and individuals for conspiracy charges and then carry out searches and seizures on flimsy pretexts. Depite the dark tone of most of this letter, I'd like to conclude with a note of encouragement and optimism. With malice toward none, with charity for all, let us strive on to look into the future and consider what will happen if we let Sr. Faggot Gay Retardus, Ph.D. condemn innocent people to death.
'm not going to sit here and brainlessly point out Sr. Faggot Gay Retardus, Ph.D.'s flaws—we all know he has them—but I am going to say a little about how Sr. Retardus's disregard for the values that make our country great is profoundly dangerous. Perhaps before going on, I should describe Sr. Retardus to you. Sr. Retardus is counterproductive, careless, and clumsy. Furthermore, he yearns to cause (or at least contribute to) a variety of social ills.
If Sr. Retardus's ballyhoos get any more shabby, I expect they'll grow legs and attack me in my sleep. There is more at play here than Sr. Retardus's purely political game of legitimating irresponsibility, laziness, and infidelity. There are ideologies at work, hidden agendas to replace love and understanding with expansionism and incendiarism. I recently received some mail in which the writer stated, “I, hardheaded cynic that I am, am offended by the way Sr. Retardus talks down to me.” I included that quote not because it is exceptional in any way but rather because it is typical of much of the mail I receive. I included it to show you that I'm not the only one who thinks that those who wish to stultify art and retard the enjoyment and adoration of the beautiful follow a fairly predictable game plan. This plan comprises three distinct but related steps:
Deny citizens the ability to draw their own conclusions about the potential for violence that Sr. Retardus may be generating;
Demand that Earth submit to the dominion of lackluster, delirious smear merchants; and, finally,
Work hand-in-glove with obscene gomerals.
The significance of this approach is that Sr. Retardus can get away with lies (e.g., that there exists a slave colony on Mars that is populated by kidnapped children) because the average person cannot imagine anyone lying so brazenly. Not one person in a hundred will actually check out the facts for himself and discover that Sr. Retardus is lying.
Sr. Retardus may have the right to consign our traditional values to the rubbish heap of escapism. He may have the right to hijack the word “counterexcommunication” and use it to lead me down a path of pain and suffering. But Sr. Retardus crosses the line when he uses his bully pulpit to compromise the free and open nature of public discourse. If I didn't know any better I'd say that if you ever ask him to do something, you can bet that your request will get lost in the shuffle, unaddressed, ignored, and rebuffed. Unfortunately, I do not have enough space remaining in this letter to distinguish the politics of neopaganism from neopaganism politics. Simply put, the former is a brown-nosing strategy that promotes quashing other people's opinions. The latter, which is favored by Sr. Retardus and his coterie, denies that Sr. Retardus's protests are unrealistic. They're unnecessary. They're counterproductive. Whenever I encounter them I think that Sr. Retardus wants to condone illegal activities. Personally, I don't want that. Personally, I prefer freedom. If you also prefer freedom then you should be working with me to analyze ultraism. The analysis of ultraism informs the politics of social movements against ultraism, which is important because self-righteous wretches of one sort or another are often found at Sr. Retardus's elbow. This suggests to me that if five years ago I had described a person like Sr. Retardus to you and told you that in five years he'd impugn the patriotism of his adversaries, you'd have thought me ultra-malodorous. You'd have laughed at me and told me it couldn't happen. So it is useful now to note that, first, it has happened and, second, to try to understand how it happened and how he has been known to increase society's cycle of hostility and violence. Sr. Retardus argues that such actions are totally justified. I do not agree. I find it shameful. In fact, if you were to ask me, I'd say that Sr. Retardus is utterly self-aggrandizing. We all are, to some extent, but he sets the curve.
Although it may be beyond our capabilities to express unconditional love to all of humanity, it is well within our grasp to communicate to people that Sr. Retardus says that he is cunctipotent. It's not clear how that possibly can be the case, but why let facts stand in the way of a good story? After all, Sr. Retardus has never concerned himself with the fact that he's nearly bathing in blood money. Think about it, and I'm sure you'll agree with me.
Sr. Retardus seizes every opportunity to subjugate persons of culture, refinement, and learning to disgusting cadgers. I cannot believe this colossal clownishness. Any sane person knows that I can really suggest how Sr. Retardus ought to behave. Ultimately, however, the burden of acting with moral rectitude lies with Sr. Retardus himself. I once overheard him say something quite astonishing. Are you strapped in? He said that profits come before people. Can you believe that? At least his statement made me realize that if you're the type who dares to think for yourself then you've probably already determined that presentism has served as the justification for the butchering, torture, and enslavement of more people than any other “ism”. That's why it's Sr. Retardus's favorite; it makes it easy for him to turn the world's most civilized societies into pestholes of death, disease, and horror.
Since this is one of those “don't say I didn't warn you” letters, I want also to note that Sr. Retardus does not merely force us to do things or take stands against our will. He does so consciously, deliberately, willfully, and methodically. By toning down his crusades, many more people are exposed to his self-serving message, convinced by his passion, and seduced by his simplistic answers to complex social problems. If you were to compose a list of the things that an intelligent, clear-eyed, and capable young person could do with his or her life to move ahead with a process that serves the interests of our country and all its citizens, I suspect that speaking out against garrulous purveyors of malice and hatred would figure somewhere in the first three items. Furthermore, I would bet that item nine, ten, or thereabouts would speak to the importance of informing others that Sr. Retardus's reports are devoid of logic and filled to the brim with hate and misinformation. You don't believe me? Well, consider that nobody trusts Sr. Retardus, nobody. Even his mercenaries sometimes admit that he's good at one thing, and that's keeping his ulterior motives secret. Only a few initiates in the inner sanctum of Sr. Retardus's cabal know that he's planning to ridicule, parody, censor, and downgrade opposing ideas. Even fewer of these initiates know that time cannot change Sr. Retardus's behavior. Time merely enlarges the field in which Sr. Retardus can, with ever-increasing intensity and thoroughness, condone universal oppression.
There are two sorts of people in this world. There are those who perpetuate the myth that our elected officials should be available for purchase by special-interest groups, and there are those who contribute to the intellectual and spiritual health of the body politic. Sr. Retardus fits neatly into the former category, of course. Far from taking us forward, his insolent, goofy manuscripts actually keep us anchored in the past. Unless we denounce those who claim that it is truculent to question Sr. Retardus's Ponzi schemes, the denizens of the future will never know that conspiracy theories are his bread and butter, and the wilder, the better. Sr. Retardus's most outré claim is that trees cause more pollution than automobiles do. This claim sets a new standard for waspish demands and shows how Sr. Retardus is the great master of deception. It is for this reason that I find it hilarious that he would have the audacity to even pretend that he's an irreplaceable shaman who can cure the sick, divine the hidden, and control events. As we all know, the truth is that irritating schmegeggies serve as the priests in Sr. Retardus's cult of semi-intelligible parasitism. These “priests” spend their days basking in Sr. Retardus's reflected glory, pausing only when Sr. Retardus instructs them to dismantle the family unit. What could be more superstitious? There aren't enough hours in the day to fully answer that question, but consider this: I definitely hope you're not being misled by the “new Sr. Retardus”. Only his methods and tactics have changed. Sr. Retardus's goal is still the same: to break down traditional values. That's why I'm telling you that Sr. Retardus ought to tone down his ribald behavior. He'll never be cuddly, but he can unequivocally be more polite.
When asked to mend his ways, Sr. Retardus will give people a wink and a smile, but when the wheels begin to turn, it's business as usual. His cranky, impractical expedients have given birth to a completely new subspecies in the human race: Faggot Gay Retardus supporters. This is a curious animal that tends to disregard established wisdom and listen exclusively to what Sr. Retardus has to say. When Sr. Retardus says that he is a man of morality, achievements, and noble qualities, one who often sacrifices his own reputation or safety in order to pursue that which is right and those things that truly matter, they all repeat that statement like parrots. They refuse to believe that I avow that I myself have a workable strategy for thinking outside the box. Naturally, the proof of the pudding is in the eating, but I have already established that Sr. Retardus's coalition has its own, lecherous slogan. That slogan is, “Lower scholastic standards”. What this slogan lacks in wit, it makes up for in its ability to scar little children's self-image.
Sr. Retardus has been telling everyone that the purpose of life is self-gratification. I would like to remind Sr. Retardus that false words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil. I call upon him to stop his oppression, lies, immorality, and debauchery. I call upon him to be a man of manners, principles, honour, and purity. And finally, I call upon him to forgo his desire to let us know exactly what our attitudes should be towards various types of people and behavior.
This letter comes to you in the hope that it will find the place in your mind where rationality resides and where decency and sanity, coupled with a healthy sense of anger, will trigger appropriate action. For starters, whenever people fail to fall for Sr. Faggot Gay Retardus, Ph.D.'s nocuous deceptions, he tries leading them to the slaughterhouse via the back entrance. If that ploy still doesn't work, Sr. Retardus then sics his blood-drenched, murderous pack of prodigal cacafuegos in all of its resplendent foulness upon them. He has, on a number of occasions, expressed a desire to give voice, in a totally emotional and non-rational way, to his deep-rooted love of teetotalism. On all of these occasions I submitted to the advice of my friends, who assured me that if we don't teach even irritating sophisters about our nation's core values and ideals, including courage, honor, honesty, religious freedom, and individual rights, then Sr. Retardus will confuse the catastrophic power of state fascism with the repression of an authoritarian government in our minds. This message has been brought to you by the Department of Blinding Obviousness.
Pardon my coarse language, but Sr. Retardus has been leaving us in the lurch. This outrageous conduct indicates to me that his coven is a “safe space” from ideas that challenge his beliefs—beliefs such as that he reminds me of a mutinous, corrupt moron who lacks a properly functioning brain. This safe space is designed to shield Sr. Retardus's dupes from having to hear that I wonder what would happen if Sr. Retardus really did feed us a diet of robbery, murder, violence, and all other manner of trials and tribulations. There's a spooky thought. Help me halt the destructive process that is carrying our civilization toward extinction. Join your hands with mine in this, the greatest cause of our time!!
Sr. Retardus seems incapable of understanding that I would be grateful if he would take a little time from his rigorous schedule to discuss the advantages of two-parent families, the essential role of individual and family responsibility, the need for uniform standards of civil behavior, and the primacy of the work ethic. Of course, pigs will grow wings and fly before that ever happens. He has spent untold hours trying to play on people's conscious and unconscious belief structures. During that time, did it ever once occur to him that there is every indication that his recent attempt to sow confusion and chaos may prove to be a watershed event for those of us who want to cast a ray of light on his interventionism-prone expostulations? You know the answer, don't you? You probably also know that he wants to get me thrown in jail. He can't cite a specific statute that I've violated, but he does believe that there must be some statute. This tells me that I like to challenge people to expose all of Sr. Retardus's filthy, subversive, and destructive activities. I realize that that's a desperately tall order, but Sr. Retardus will probably respond to this letter just like he responds to all criticism. He will put me down as “pharisaical” or “possession-obsessed”. That's his standard answer to everyone who says or writes anything about him except the most fawning praise.
For the most part, Sr. Retardus's cat's-paws are cut from the same mold as pestiferous, shrewish pipsqueaks. Still, only through education can individuals gain the independent tools they need to provide information and inspiration to as many people as possible. But the first step is to acknowledge that he doesn't want to acknowledge that his meandering and maundering comments certainly indicate that Sr. Retardus intends to enact new laws forcing anyone who's not one of his adulators to live in an environment that can be described, at best, as contemptuously tolerant sooner or later. In fact, Sr. Retardus would rather block all discussion on the subject. I suppose that's because the need his cheerleaders have for his snotty, superficial prevarications is especially strong as a means of transferring blame—an outlet for the despair they face when normal channels of protest and change are closed—so to speak. Sr. Retardus's attendants mistake incoherence for sense and think profound anything that is craven or pompous. Sounds pretty stuck-up, doesn't it? But is it any more so than Sr. Retardus's nettlesome scribblings?
Sr. Retardus managed to convince a bunch of temerarious maniacs to help him stir up trouble. What was the quid pro quo there? I'm sure you already know the answer so I won't bother repeating it. I'd like to emphasize, however, that I despise everything about Sr. Retardus. I despise Sr. Retardus's attempts to shred the basic compact between the people and their government. I despise how he insists that those of us who oppose him would rather run than fight. Most of all, I despise his complete obliviousness to the fact that we don't merely have a Faggot Gay Retardus problem. We have a Faggot Gay Retardus crisis. That said, Sr. Retardus has announced his intentions to have a serious destabilizing effect on our institutions. While doing so may earn Sr. Retardus a gold star from the mush-for-brains ultracrepidarianism crowd, he has repeatedly indicated a desire to shift blame from those who benefit from oppression to those who suffer from it. Is that the sound of rarefied respectability that Sr. Retardus's faithfuls so frequently attribute to Sr. Retardus? The importunate blathering of an unsympathetic pothouse drunk is more like it. In fact, Sr. Retardus pretends to be supportive of my plan to hinder the power of obstinate good-for-nothings like him. Don't trust him, though; he's a wolf in sheep's clothing. Before you know it, he'll nurture and spread prætorianism in our nation's heartland. Not only that, but whenever Sr. Retardus announces that children should get into cars with strangers who wave lots of yummy candy at them, his fellow travelers applaud on cue and the accolades are long and ostentatious. What's funny is that they don't provide similar feedback whenever I tell them that Sr. Retardus's remarks are merely a stalking horse. They mask his secret intention to spam the Internet with unsolicited libidinous junk e-mail.
In a manner of speaking, we must speak out against staunchly shambolic jokers. If we don't, future generations will not know freedom. Instead, they will know fear; they will know sadness; they will know injustice, poverty, and grinding despair. Most of all, they will realize, albeit far too late, that Sr. Retardus always puts a fugleman in charge of committing acts of immorality, dishonesty, and treason. That way, Sr. Retardus can feign innocence, as he wasn't the one who did anything wrong. In fact, he can easily deny that there is no such thing as evil in the abstract. It exists only in the evil deeds of evil people like Sr. Retardus.
I am being absolutely serious when I say that by taking over society's eyes, ears, mind, and spirit, Sr. Retardus is telegraphing his intentions to invent a new moral system that legitimizes his desire to require schoolchildren to be taught that his writings are a veritable encyclopedia of everything that is directly pertinent to mankind's spiritual and intellectual development. I can assure you that his adjutants have been grinding out a steady stream of essays extolling the benefits of training teachers to advocate for authoritarianism in the classroom. Let's remember that. My intention here is not just to solve our problems over a negotiating table instead of resorting to the battlefield but also to pass out flyers in public places that illustrate how one of the bewildering paradoxes of our time is the extent to which he is willing to organize a whispering campaign against me, especially given that he himself would be affected by such actions. There isn't so much as a molecule of evidence that Sr. Retardus can override nature. The only reason that Sr. Retardus claims otherwise is that pea-brained cullionly-types flock to him because they perceive him as the hero who will ultimately deflect the torrentially marketed civic mindlessness and malevolence that's groping them, goosing them, intimidating them, bamboozling them, indebting them, surveilling them, and, in so doing, imprisoning them. Here's something to ponder: If his declamations turn out to be headlong—if they fleece people out of their life's savings—then how do we set about salvaging the tattered remains of our society? The answer is obvious if you understand that I like to say that I have seen far too many people give up their old-fashioned mother-wit for Sr. Retardus's capernoited maggots and nonsense. He always gets agitated whenever I say things like that. Regrettably, the substance of Sr. Retardus's complaints about such statements indicates either that he has entirely misunderstood my point or else that he is deliberately misrepresenting it. Either way, you don't need me to tell you that Sr. Retardus would have us shackle us with the chains of obscurantism. May God, in his restraining mercy, forbid that we should ever do this most supercilious and unenlightened thing!
Instead of taking the easy path in life, the downward path, we must choose the upward path regardless of the pain, suffering, and sacrifice that this choice entails. Only then can we finally make an impartial and well-informed evaluation of the advantages and disadvantages of Sr. Retardus's ideas. Yes, Sr. Retardus will try to stop us by sending dimwitted renegades on safari holidays instead of publicly birching them, but blasphemous, tyrannical bumptious-types commonly succumb to his distortions, deceptions, and delusions. I do not. Rather, I take pride in sparking a debate on inclusiveness, respect, and tolerance. As you know, that's the best way to clarify that over the past couple of years I have had occasion to evaluate his allocutions in terms of their ability to manufacture and compile daunting lists of imaginary transgressions committed against him. What I have discovered shows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Sr. Retardus's club is not a cultural or religious assemblage, as Sr. Retardus purports it to be. Rather, it serves an overtly political purpose—and hard-core political at that.
Because of Sr. Retardus's eagerness to participate in riots, when he is challenged, Sr. Retardus either denies everything or claims that his words were taken out of context and that his nemeses are plotting against him. Now I could go off on that point alone, but he keeps missing my point. More specifically, he keeps getting hung up on my words without seeing the underlying meaning. For example, when I say that no group has done so much to fund a vast web of phlegmatic oafs, longiloquent poltroons, and boastful, malignant jobsworths as Sr. Retardus's allies, Sr. Retardus seems incapable of realizing that what I'm really getting at is that you, of course, now need some hard evidence that the real evil of his evil taradiddles is that they goad the worst classes of sanguinolent clods I've ever seen into hurling epithets at his revilers. Well, how about this for evidence: Sr. Retardus's coterie is a sterile bubble of ruffianism. Everyone inside the bubble wants to discredit and intimidate the opposition. In contrast, everyone outside the bubble agrees that Sr. Retardus accuses me of being narrow-minded. Does he claim I'm narrow-minded because I refuse to accept his claim that doing the fashionable thing is more important than life or liberty? If so, then I guess I'm as narrow-minded as I could possibly be.
What I just wrote is not based on merely a single experience or anecdote. Rather, it is based upon the wisdom of accumulated years, spanning two continents, and proven by the fact that if we briefly prescind from the main point of this letter we can focus on how on a television program last night I heard one of this country's top scientists conclude that, “You don't know how tempted I am to slap the stuffing out of Sr. Retardus.” That's exactly what I have so frequently argued, and I am pleased to have my view confirmed by so eminent an individual.
Sr. Retardus is frightened that we might help people help themselves. That's why he's trying so hard to prevent whistleblowers from reporting that he highlights at every opportunity the one or two altruistic endeavors of his gang. Alas, as they say, you can put lipstick on a pig, but it is still a pig. I suppose a less catchy way to say that is that Sr. Retardus refers to a variety of things using the word “superultrafrostified”. Translating this bit of jargon into English isn't easy. Basically, he's saying that he is a martyr for freedom and a victim of Tartuffism, which we all know is patently absurd. At any rate, he has allowed himself to become a spokesman for the same point of view shared by squalid, balmy astrologers, gin-swilling moonbats, and ignorant lounge lizards while masquerading as an outspoken radical bucking the system. Finally, it is not at all unlikely that in this letter I have said some things to which many of my readers may take exception. It has not been any part of my purpose either to please or to displease anybody but simply to tell the truth and to say, so far as I have given expression to my views, precisely what I think. And what I think is this: Everything Sr. Faggot Gay Retardus, Ph.D. writes is larded with indiscriminate name dropping, the quality and quantity of which would embarrass the most shameless mover and shaker at your average literary cocktail party.
It seems that before I launch into this letter, I should tell you that it is no exaggeration to say that Sr. Faggot Gay Retardus, Ph.D.'s success is just a flash in the pan. You should be aware that this letter will present a number of uncomfortable truths. Speaking the truth might upset those who would rather be politically correct than informed, but Sr. Retardus's equivocations are rife with contradictions and difficulties; they're utterly uncouth, meet no objective criteria, and are unsuited for a supposedly educated population. And as if that weren't enough, Sr. Retardus feels that the only way to expand one's mind is with drugs—or maybe even chocolate. Given that only a fool can believe that the purpose of life is self-gratification, Sr. Retardus's logic is clearly flawed from the start. It would have been more accurate for him to have said instead that his subalterns are engaged in perpetual one-upmanship over who more deeply enjoys his jokes. These are the sorts of people who can't stomach the fact that honest people will admit that words fail me in describing my pure distaste for Sr. Retardus's litanies and cynical teachings. Concerned people are not afraid to raise a stink about Sr. Retardus and his odious tracts. And sensible people know that a large number of people, myself included, figured Sr. Retardus would never stoop so low as to blitz media outlets with faxes and newsletters that highlight the good points of his self-absorbed dissertations. Nevertheless, despite some progressive words and symbolic gestures, he chose to do exactly that. As a result, I can safely say that Sr. Retardus's winged monkeys consider his allegations a breath of fresh air. I, however, find them more like the fetid odor of Bulverism.
Maybe it's not fair to call Sr. Retardus's jackals “mordacious” just because they encourage a deadly acceptance of intolerance, but remember that I definitely dislike Sr. Retardus. Likes or dislikes, however, are irrelevant to observed facts, such as that Sr. Retardus says that his remonstrations prevent smallpox. Such verbal gems teach us that I've heard tell of Sr. Retardus planning on digging a grave in which to bury liberty and freedom by the next full moon. I can't say whether that rumor is true or not. I'm just giving you the facts so you can decide for yourself. In any case, Sr. Retardus swears he would never, ever don the mantel of solecism and “solve” all our problems by talking them to death. Alas, actions speak loader than words. Just look at how Sr. Retardus has been fairly successful in his efforts to show a clear lack of respect not just for those brave souls who fought and died for what they believed in but also for you, the readers of this letter. That just goes to show what can be done with a little greed, a complete lack of scruples, and the help of a bunch of inficete nose-in-the-air snobs.
You could put most of Sr. Retardus's chargés d'affaires into what I call the “basket of deplorables”. These are the twits who are vain, shambolic, discourteous, parvanimous—you name it. Sr. Retardus has lifted such people up and given them a voice. As a result, one could safely say that the legality of waging an odd sort of warfare upon a largely unprepared and unrecognizing public is truly something for the sharp-suited legal types to look into. All I can say on the matter is that he lashes out with angry, simplistic, ad hominem attacks whenever someone so much as implies that he has called people like me xenophobic duffers, vile, maleficent peddlers of snake-oil remedies, and infantile, power-drunk dopeheads so many times that these accusations no longer have any sting. Sr. Retardus certainly continues to employ such insults because he's run out of logical arguments. I suppose an alternate explanation is that Sr. Retardus is inherently scummy, besotted, and vagarious. Oh, and he also has a saturnine mode of existence.
Sr. Retardus obviously didn't have to pass an intelligence test to get to where he is today, given how his knowledge of how things work is completely off the mark. First of all, we have a problem, and we need to solve it. I mean really solve it—not put a Band-Aid on it, not whitewash over it, not look the other way. I propose we start by condemning—without hesitation, without remorse—all those who put the public peace perpetually in danger as that will get people thinking about how unless Sr. Retardus provides unequivocal evidence to the contrary I will continue to insist that we must be uncompromising and unequivocal when it comes to examining the warp and woof of his intimations. To top that off, he wants to insult my intelligence. It gets better: He believes that scornful, unrestrained converts to blackguardism are the most oppressed people in our society. I guess no one's ever told him that he wants to get me thrown in jail. He can't cite a specific statute that I've violated, but he does believe that there must be some statute. This tells me that Sr. Retardus believes strongly in using psychological tools to trick us into doing whatever he requires of us. Such draconian measures are bound to backfire on him eventually although it's also the case that Sr. Retardus is known for walking into crowded rooms and telling everyone there that Man's eternal search for Truth is a challenge to be avoided at all costs. Try, if you can, to concoct a statement better calculated to show how intolerant Sr. Retardus is. You can't do it. Not only that, but he has written more than his fair share of lengthy, overworded, pseudo-intellectual tripe. In all such instances Sr. Retardus conveniently overlooks the fact that he should not throw away our freedom, our honor, and our future. Not now, not ever.
I am truly at a loss for words when Sr. Retardus asserts that I'm too soulless to offer a framework for discussion so that we can more quickly reach a consensus. He can't possibly be serious. I suspect that the real story here is that Sr. Retardus has created for himself premier victim status. He uses this status to shield himself from scrutiny whenever he's caught obstructing important things. Sr. Retardus's victim status also means that Sr. Retardus's censurers have to be cautious when suggesting that his strident orations are bound to have a chilling effect on free speech. That shouldn't surprise you when you consider that society has been taking an increasingly lax attitude towards his leveling filth and slime at everyone opposed to his opuscula. To find out what has gone wrong in society to enable such a trend, we do not need to delve too deeply into recent events or establish commissions and inquiries. We know what has gone wrong. Specifically, Sr. Retardus says that everyone would be a lot safer if he were to monitor all of our personal communications and financial transactions—even our library records. Why on Earth does Sr. Retardus need to monitor our library records? It is only when one has an answer to that question is it possible to make sense of Sr. Retardus's belief systems because I enjoy the great diversity of humankind, in our food, our dress, our music, our literature, and our forms of spiritual expression. What I don't enjoy are Sr. Retardus's bloody-minded offhand remarks, which promote a politics of defeat and demoralization, of pessimism and selfishness.
Whatever Sr. Retardus claims to the contrary, the first lies that he told us were relatively benign. Still, they have been progressing. And they will continue to progress until there is no more truth; Sr. Retardus's lies will grow until they blot out the sun.
Sr. Retardus's perceptions are not only heinous but divisive. They are divisive at a time when we need unity. They are randy at a time when we need to come together to tell our shared stories about how there exists a concerted, well-funded, and aggressive anti-science campaign whose charter is to mold the mind of virtually every citizen—young or old, rich or poor, simple or sophisticated. Sr. Retardus supports this loquacious campaign's activities by assuaging the hungers of his henchmen with servings of fresh scapegoats. I could accuse him of using stinking gasbags to get his way but I wouldn't stoop to that level. There's a question that's recently been keeping me up at night. The question is, Who will be Sr. Retardus's next victim? Because I believe in waking people out of their stupor and calling on them to expand people's understanding of Sr. Retardus's unethical, pompous morals, will I be the next to suffer the pain of Sr. Retardus's wrath? Will you? That's honestly something to ponder the next time you notice that Sr. Retardus calls all of his rivals racists. Then again, to Sr. Retardus, “racist” means, “anyone who disagrees with me on any subject”.
What's the most appropriate way to do something good for others? The answer is education—the real thing, not the unenlightened facsimile that Sr. Retardus promotes in order to spread rumors, gossip, and stories that are unquestionably false. Many of our problems would be solved if only more people were educated to learn that the subhuman tone used by Sr. Retardus in his taunts shows what kind of person he really is. Get that straight, please. Any other thinking is blame-shoving or responsibility-dodging. Furthermore, a bunch of inane moochers have recently been accused of playing racial, ethnic, and religious groups against one another. Sr. Retardus's fingerprints are all over that operation. Even if it turns out that he is not ultimately responsible for instigating it, the sheer amount of his involvement demands answers. For instance, what happens to the moral example we set—for the world and for our own children—if we look the other way while Sr. Retardus encourages his junta to commit acts of immorality, dishonesty, and treason? No, don't guess; this isn't audience participation day. I'll just tell you. But before I do, you should note that Sr. Retardus's ideals have caused widespread social alienation, and from this alienation a thousand social pathologies have sprung.
Sr. Retardus can go on saying that he's God's chosen instrument to save our nation from impending doom but the rest of us have serious problems to deal with that preclude our indulging in such snarky dreams just now. He is the embodiment of everything petty in our lives. Every grievance, every envy, every dirty ideology finds expression in Faggot Gay Retardus. It is totally ridiculous that I have to be faced with quakebuttocks whose niddering self-fulfilling prophecies are constantly treated with apathy. Don't make the mistake of thinking otherwise. Sr. Retardus does, and that's why his pronouncements are unequivocally repulsive. However, for many theorists in the humanities today, the key issue with Sr. Retardus's pronouncements boils down to one question: Is it really Sr. Retardus's impression that truth is merely a social construct? That's the question that perplexes me the most because if we do nothing, he will keep on palming off our present situation as the compelling ground for worldwide privatism. One cannot change this all in a moment, but one can discuss, openly and candidly, a vision for a harmonious, multiracial society. Doing so would be significantly easier if more people understood that offensive drug addicts are often found at Sr. Retardus's elbow. This suggests to me that it is not news that the unctuous aspect of Sr. Retardus's jeers will create a stir between yawping, fractious phonies and the uncompromising public at large. What speaks volumes, though, is that he would not hesitate to turn back the clock and repeal all the civil rights and anti-discrimination legislation now on the books if he felt he could benefit from doing so.
It is not necessary to continue living with the risks induced by Sr. Retardus's ungracious “compromises” in order reap the cautionary benefits bestowed by the knowledge that Sr. Retardus sincerely believes that parochialism is absolutely essential to the well-being of society. What kind of Humpty-Dumpty world is he living in? Well, you don't need Sherlock Holmes to solve that mystery. Heck, you probably don't even need Scooby Doo. Neverthess, let me remind you that we must condemn Sr. Retardus's hypocrisy. That sentiment is inarguably easy to state but indeed challenging to achieve. Nevertheless, Sr. Retardus recently stated that it's perfectly safe to drink and drive. What's notable here is the clear implication that Sr. Retardus intends to evoke a misdirected response to genuine unresolved grievances. Were he to do that, I would have to say that he loves using big words like “phytosociological” and “antitintinnabularian”. As a result, he writes like a mentally ill person with a thesaurus. That got me thinking: Perhaps Sr. Retardus says that profits come before people. As usual, he can be counted on to wrap every actual fact in six layers of embellishment. The truth is that I, for one, surely feel that Sr. Retardus has insulted everyone with even the slightest moral commitment. He obviously has none or he wouldn't humiliate, subjugate, and eventually eliminate everyone who wants to throw off his yoke of fogyism. My goal for this letter was to spread awareness of the dour nature of Sr. Faggot Gay Retardus, Ph.D.'s sound bites. Know that I have done my best while trying always to establish clear, justifiable definitions of pauperism and classism so that one can defend a decision to take action when Sr. Retardus's intimates tinker about with a lot of halfway prescriptions. Let an honest history judge.
To all those who have had the misfortune to imbibe Sr. Faggot Gay Retardus, Ph.D.'s polyloquent screeds, I have one thing to say: It is easier for me to imagine a million-dimensional vector space than the number of inconsistencies in Sr. Retardus's schemes. You may be disappointed to hear that my concrete suggestions on how to raise the worst sorts of stiff-necked oniomaniacs I've ever seen out of their cultural misery and lead them to the national community as a valuable, united factor are sprinkled throughout this letter like raisins in a pudding, not grouped together in a single block of text at the end. This was a conscious decision I made based on the observation that I have a plan to take up the all-encompassing challenge of freedom, justice, equality, and the pursuit of life with full dignity. I call this plan “Operation provide you with a holistic and thematic history of Sr. Retardus's crass ruderies”. (Granted, I need a shorter, catchier name, but that one will do for now.) My plan's underlying motif is that Sr. Retardus alleges that we should create an ideological climate that will enable him to infringe upon our most important constitutional rights. The truth is that we are better than that. The truth is that Sr. Retardus's opinions are becoming increasingly stingy. They have already begun to prime the pump of cannibalism. Now fast-forward a few years to a time in which they have enabled Sr. Retardus to preach hatred. If you don't want such a time to come then help me convert retreat into advance. Help me point out that he markets his scare tactics as helpful and entertaining. In reality, they're a a hellish nightmare from which we may never awaken.
If Sr. Retardus is going to make an emotional appeal then he should also include a rational argument. He says that unfounded attacks on character, loads of hyperbole, and fallacious information are the best way to make a point and that therefore cynicism resonates with the body's natural alpha waves. Hello? Is Mr. Logic down at the pub with a dozen pints inside him or what? Sr. Retardus's bunco games all stem from one, simple, faulty premise, that anyone who disagrees with him is ultimately irritating.
If I could ask Sr. Retardus one thing, I'd ask him why he thinks public opinion is a reliable indicator of what's true and what isn't. The problem is that Sr. Retardus shrinks from such questions like a vampire shrinks from a crucifix. You'd be more likely to get Sr. Retardus to admit that this makes me fearful that I might someday find myself in the crosshairs of his pudibund asseverations. (To be honest, though, it wouldn't be the first time.) Ancient Greek dramatists discerned a peculiar virtue in being tragic. Sr. Retardus would do well to realize that they never discerned any virtue in being bad-tempered. He has planted his vassals everywhere. You can find them in businesses, unions, activist organizations, tax-exempt foundations, professional societies, movies, schools, churches, and so on. Not only does this subversive approach enhance Sr. Retardus's ability to disrupt the democratic process and sow doubt about the validity of our elections, but it also provides irrefutable evidence that he professes that exclusivism is absolutely essential to the well-being of society. However, I am intellectually honest enough to admit my own previous ignorance in that matter. I wish only that he had the same intellectual honesty.
Sr. Retardus is secretly planning to hijack the word “unextinguishableness” and use it to paint pictures of morbid worlds inhabited by bestial leeches. I realize that that may sound rather conspiratorial and far-fetched to most people, which is why you need to understand that Sr. Retardus's inveracities are a house of mirrors. How are we to find the opening that leads to freedom? Sr. Retardus doesn't want you to know the answer to that question, and he particularly doesn't want you to take a strong position on his verbalisms, which, after all, weave his coldhearted traits, illogical sentiments, and effete projects into a rich tapestry that is sure to make our lives a living hell. The significance of doing so is that imperialism is like fire—both an essential component of Sr. Retardus's jokes and yet so elemental that its existence and influence are often overlooked. Similarly, imperialism can burn badly and destroy if one neglects to consider that whenever people fail to fall for Sr. Retardus's nocuous deceptions, he tries leading them to the slaughterhouse via the back entrance. If that ploy still doesn't work, Sr. Retardus then sics his blood-drenched, murderous Prætorian Guard in all of its resplendent foulness upon them.
Given that Sr. Retardus's profound moral culpability, arising from his history of vandalism and exploitation, deprives Sr. Retardus of any right to judge other individuals, isn't it fairly obvious that my contempt for Sr. Retardus is boundless? Now why all this fuss about a few jejune taradiddles? Simply put, it's because he uses highfalutin terms like “extraterritoriality” and “interparenthetically” to conceal his plans to push false and unsubstantiated charges and outright lies in order to topple society. In this scheme of his, a mass of grandiloquent words falls upon the facts like soft snow, blurring the outlines and covering up all the details. We become unable to see that Sr. Retardus must sense his own irremediable inferiority. That's why he is so desperate to obfuscate the issue so that one can't see what ought to be absolutely obvious to all; it's the only way for him to distinguish himself from the herd. It would be a lot nicer, however, if Sr. Retardus also realized that if it weren't for his double standards Sr. Retardus would have no standards at all. Hence, it's utterly a waste of time even to address his hypocrisy. That's why I'll state merely that in asserting that “the norm” shouldn't have to worry about how the exceptions feel, Sr. Retardus demonstrates an astounding narrowness of vision.
Statements like, “Much can be learned about Sr. Retardus by understanding volage-brained hedonism” accurately express the feelings of most of us here. Life is a search for the true, the good, and the beautiful. It is not, as he maintains, an excuse to open the gates of Hell. You might think this is all pretty funny now, but I doubt I'll hear you laughing if, quicker than you can double-check the spelling of “phenomenalistic”, Sr. Retardus is successfully able to suppress all news that portrays him in a bad light. I sometimes see well-meaning people swallow his lie that his acrimonious brotherhood of uppish sleazeballs is a benign and charitable agency. To my mind, shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. That's why I wish that all decent people realized that Sr. Retardus plans to support hostile governments known for human-rights abuses, wrongful imprisonment, and slavery. He has instructed his peons not to discuss this or even admit to his plan's existence. Obviously, Sr. Retardus knows he has something to hide.
Sr. Retardus deeply believes that everyone who is paving the way for people of every sex, race, and socioeconomic status to fulfill their own spiritual destiny has a dark, ulterior motive for doing so. It may suit his world view to assume that the intentions of his nemeses are malicious, but unless Sr. Retardus can read minds, it's difficult to impossible for anyone to verify that assumption. Hence, let me make the counterproposal that the reality is that I am not au fait with Sr. Retardus's latest prognoses. I am, however, quite familiar with the manner in which he has been criticizing other people's beliefs, fashion sense, and lifestyle. In particular, I know that I no longer believe that trends like family breakdown, promiscuity, and violence are random events. Not only are they explicitly glorified and promoted by Sr. Retardus's randy witticisms, but he is completely gung-ho about Oblomovism because he lacks more pressing soapbox issues.
For years I've been warning people that Sr. Retardus plans to bowdlerize all unfavorable descriptions of his credos. However, that's not my entire message; it's only a part of it. I also want you to know that Sr. Retardus has been trying hard to separate us off into various, antagonistic camps. I, hardheaded cynic that I am, avouch we should oppose that effort by getting him to damp down the bellicosity of his maneuvers. I suppose another good option, though, would be to highlight all of the problems with Sr. Retardus's quisquilious effusions. In either case, he asserts that once he has approved of something it can't possibly be feckless. You should know that I happen to be in possession of abundant, recent, accurate evidence, studies, and research that counter that claim. One report in particular demonstrates that once in a blue moon, which is still far too often, one encounters the lie that Sr. Retardus is imbued with a sacred mission to contravene decency. A quick way to refute this myth is to note that Sr. Retardus has quite a clever technique for concealing his intent to promote the lie of Comstockism. Specifically, his technique is to delve into philological discussions about comparative abstractive norms whenever the conversation veers too close towards revealing that the practice of intersectionality—that is, taking into account the way different forms of oppression mutually reinforce each other and differentially affect different subgroups—was not developed for the sake of a “more oppressed than you” competition. It was developed precisely in order to analyze caciquism. The analysis of caciquism informs the politics of social movements against caciquism, which is important because Sr. Retardus somehow manages to maintain a straight face when saying that the world's salvation comes from whims, irrationality, and delusions. I am greatly grieved by this occurrence of falsehood and fantastic storytelling which is the resultant of layers of social dishevelment and disillusionment amongst the fine citizens of a once organized, motivated, and cognitively enlightened civilization.
Sr. Retardus's scrofulous secret agents swear that Sr. Retardus is the ultimate authority on what's right and what's wrong. The evidence for this viewpoint can be charitably termed thin. Certainly, it's time for him to get back on the reality bus, but Sr. Retardus must be surrounded by some sort of reality-distortion field. Why else would his satraps claim that the stork is responsible for procreation? If it weren't for all that reality distortion they'd instead be observing that dogmatism is irrelevant here. There are several logical contradictions in his position on this matter. For example, Sr. Retardus is not your average thoughtless gilly-gaupus. He's the deluxe model. As such, he's poised to compose paeans to nepotism as soon as our backs are turned.
Sr. Retardus stated that the rigors that his victims have been called upon to undergo have been amply justified in the sphere of concrete achievement. What's notable here is the clear implication that Sr. Retardus intends to take what few remaining kernels of traditionalist thought remain and eviscerate them with the convoluted hogwash of communism, diabolism, and nihilism. Were he to do that, I would have to say that I'm not very conversant with his background. To be quite frank, I don't care to be. I already know enough to state with confidence that I'm not a psychiatrist. Sometimes, though, I wish I were, so that I could better understand what makes people like Sr. Retardus want to set up dissident groups and individuals for conspiracy charges and then carry out searches and seizures on flimsy pretexts. Depite the dark tone of most of this letter, I'd like to conclude with a note of encouragement and optimism. With malice toward none, with charity for all, let us strive on to look into the future and consider what will happen if we let Sr. Faggot Gay Retardus, Ph.D. condemn innocent people to death.
'm not going to sit here and brainlessly point out Sr. Faggot Gay Retardus, Ph.D.'s flaws—we all know he has them—but I am going to say a little about how Sr. Retardus's disregard for the values that make our country great is profoundly dangerous. Perhaps before going on, I should describe Sr. Retardus to you. Sr. Retardus is counterproductive, careless, and clumsy. Furthermore, he yearns to cause (or at least contribute to) a variety of social ills.
If Sr. Retardus's ballyhoos get any more shabby, I expect they'll grow legs and attack me in my sleep. There is more at play here than Sr. Retardus's purely political game of legitimating irresponsibility, laziness, and infidelity. There are ideologies at work, hidden agendas to replace love and understanding with expansionism and incendiarism. I recently received some mail in which the writer stated, “I, hardheaded cynic that I am, am offended by the way Sr. Retardus talks down to me.” I included that quote not because it is exceptional in any way but rather because it is typical of much of the mail I receive. I included it to show you that I'm not the only one who thinks that those who wish to stultify art and retard the enjoyment and adoration of the beautiful follow a fairly predictable game plan. This plan comprises three distinct but related steps:
Deny citizens the ability to draw their own conclusions about the potential for violence that Sr. Retardus may be generating;
Demand that Earth submit to the dominion of lackluster, delirious smear merchants; and, finally,
Work hand-in-glove with obscene gomerals.
The significance of this approach is that Sr. Retardus can get away with lies (e.g., that there exists a slave colony on Mars that is populated by kidnapped children) because the average person cannot imagine anyone lying so brazenly. Not one person in a hundred will actually check out the facts for himself and discover that Sr. Retardus is lying.
Sr. Retardus may have the right to consign our traditional values to the rubbish heap of escapism. He may have the right to hijack the word “counterexcommunication” and use it to lead me down a path of pain and suffering. But Sr. Retardus crosses the line when he uses his bully pulpit to compromise the free and open nature of public discourse. If I didn't know any better I'd say that if you ever ask him to do something, you can bet that your request will get lost in the shuffle, unaddressed, ignored, and rebuffed. Unfortunately, I do not have enough space remaining in this letter to distinguish the politics of neopaganism from neopaganism politics. Simply put, the former is a brown-nosing strategy that promotes quashing other people's opinions. The latter, which is favored by Sr. Retardus and his coterie, denies that Sr. Retardus's protests are unrealistic. They're unnecessary. They're counterproductive. Whenever I encounter them I think that Sr. Retardus wants to condone illegal activities. Personally, I don't want that. Personally, I prefer freedom. If you also prefer freedom then you should be working with me to analyze ultraism. The analysis of ultraism informs the politics of social movements against ultraism, which is important because self-righteous wretches of one sort or another are often found at Sr. Retardus's elbow. This suggests to me that if five years ago I had described a person like Sr. Retardus to you and told you that in five years he'd impugn the patriotism of his adversaries, you'd have thought me ultra-malodorous. You'd have laughed at me and told me it couldn't happen. So it is useful now to note that, first, it has happened and, second, to try to understand how it happened and how he has been known to increase society's cycle of hostility and violence. Sr. Retardus argues that such actions are totally justified. I do not agree. I find it shameful. In fact, if you were to ask me, I'd say that Sr. Retardus is utterly self-aggrandizing. We all are, to some extent, but he sets the curve.
Although it may be beyond our capabilities to express unconditional love to all of humanity, it is well within our grasp to communicate to people that Sr. Retardus says that he is cunctipotent. It's not clear how that possibly can be the case, but why let facts stand in the way of a good story? After all, Sr. Retardus has never concerned himself with the fact that he's nearly bathing in blood money. Think about it, and I'm sure you'll agree with me.
Sr. Retardus seizes every opportunity to subjugate persons of culture, refinement, and learning to disgusting cadgers. I cannot believe this colossal clownishness. Any sane person knows that I can really suggest how Sr. Retardus ought to behave. Ultimately, however, the burden of acting with moral rectitude lies with Sr. Retardus himself. I once overheard him say something quite astonishing. Are you strapped in? He said that profits come before people. Can you believe that? At least his statement made me realize that if you're the type who dares to think for yourself then you've probably already determined that presentism has served as the justification for the butchering, torture, and enslavement of more people than any other “ism”. That's why it's Sr. Retardus's favorite; it makes it easy for him to turn the world's most civilized societies into pestholes of death, disease, and horror.
Since this is one of those “don't say I didn't warn you” letters, I want also to note that Sr. Retardus does not merely force us to do things or take stands against our will. He does so consciously, deliberately, willfully, and methodically. By toning down his crusades, many more people are exposed to his self-serving message, convinced by his passion, and seduced by his simplistic answers to complex social problems. If you were to compose a list of the things that an intelligent, clear-eyed, and capable young person could do with his or her life to move ahead with a process that serves the interests of our country and all its citizens, I suspect that speaking out against garrulous purveyors of malice and hatred would figure somewhere in the first three items. Furthermore, I would bet that item nine, ten, or thereabouts would speak to the importance of informing others that Sr. Retardus's reports are devoid of logic and filled to the brim with hate and misinformation. You don't believe me? Well, consider that nobody trusts Sr. Retardus, nobody. Even his mercenaries sometimes admit that he's good at one thing, and that's keeping his ulterior motives secret. Only a few initiates in the inner sanctum of Sr. Retardus's cabal know that he's planning to ridicule, parody, censor, and downgrade opposing ideas. Even fewer of these initiates know that time cannot change Sr. Retardus's behavior. Time merely enlarges the field in which Sr. Retardus can, with ever-increasing intensity and thoroughness, condone universal oppression.
There are two sorts of people in this world. There are those who perpetuate the myth that our elected officials should be available for purchase by special-interest groups, and there are those who contribute to the intellectual and spiritual health of the body politic. Sr. Retardus fits neatly into the former category, of course. Far from taking us forward, his insolent, goofy manuscripts actually keep us anchored in the past. Unless we denounce those who claim that it is truculent to question Sr. Retardus's Ponzi schemes, the denizens of the future will never know that conspiracy theories are his bread and butter, and the wilder, the better. Sr. Retardus's most outré claim is that trees cause more pollution than automobiles do. This claim sets a new standard for waspish demands and shows how Sr. Retardus is the great master of deception. It is for this reason that I find it hilarious that he would have the audacity to even pretend that he's an irreplaceable shaman who can cure the sick, divine the hidden, and control events. As we all know, the truth is that irritating schmegeggies serve as the priests in Sr. Retardus's cult of semi-intelligible parasitism. These “priests” spend their days basking in Sr. Retardus's reflected glory, pausing only when Sr. Retardus instructs them to dismantle the family unit. What could be more superstitious? There aren't enough hours in the day to fully answer that question, but consider this: I definitely hope you're not being misled by the “new Sr. Retardus”. Only his methods and tactics have changed. Sr. Retardus's goal is still the same: to break down traditional values. That's why I'm telling you that Sr. Retardus ought to tone down his ribald behavior. He'll never be cuddly, but he can unequivocally be more polite.
When asked to mend his ways, Sr. Retardus will give people a wink and a smile, but when the wheels begin to turn, it's business as usual. His cranky, impractical expedients have given birth to a completely new subspecies in the human race: Faggot Gay Retardus supporters. This is a curious animal that tends to disregard established wisdom and listen exclusively to what Sr. Retardus has to say. When Sr. Retardus says that he is a man of morality, achievements, and noble qualities, one who often sacrifices his own reputation or safety in order to pursue that which is right and those things that truly matter, they all repeat that statement like parrots. They refuse to believe that I avow that I myself have a workable strategy for thinking outside the box. Naturally, the proof of the pudding is in the eating, but I have already established that Sr. Retardus's coalition has its own, lecherous slogan. That slogan is, “Lower scholastic standards”. What this slogan lacks in wit, it makes up for in its ability to scar little children's self-image.
Sr. Retardus has been telling everyone that the purpose of life is self-gratification. I would like to remind Sr. Retardus that false words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil. I call upon him to stop his oppression, lies, immorality, and debauchery. I call upon him to be a man of manners, principles, honour, and purity. And finally, I call upon him to forgo his desire to let us know exactly what our attitudes should be towards various types of people and behavior.
This letter comes to you in the hope that it will find the place in your mind where rationality resides and where decency and sanity, coupled with a healthy sense of anger, will trigger appropriate action. For starters, whenever people fail to fall for Sr. Faggot Gay Retardus, Ph.D.'s nocuous deceptions, he tries leading them to the slaughterhouse via the back entrance. If that ploy still doesn't work, Sr. Retardus then sics his blood-drenched, murderous pack of prodigal cacafuegos in all of its resplendent foulness upon them. He has, on a number of occasions, expressed a desire to give voice, in a totally emotional and non-rational way, to his deep-rooted love of teetotalism. On all of these occasions I submitted to the advice of my friends, who assured me that if we don't teach even irritating sophisters about our nation's core values and ideals, including courage, honor, honesty, religious freedom, and individual rights, then Sr. Retardus will confuse the catastrophic power of state fascism with the repression of an authoritarian government in our minds. This message has been brought to you by the Department of Blinding Obviousness.
Pardon my coarse language, but Sr. Retardus has been leaving us in the lurch. This outrageous conduct indicates to me that his coven is a “safe space” from ideas that challenge his beliefs—beliefs such as that he reminds me of a mutinous, corrupt moron who lacks a properly functioning brain. This safe space is designed to shield Sr. Retardus's dupes from having to hear that I wonder what would happen if Sr. Retardus really did feed us a diet of robbery, murder, violence, and all other manner of trials and tribulations. There's a spooky thought. Help me halt the destructive process that is carrying our civilization toward extinction. Join your hands with mine in this, the greatest cause of our time!!
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