Do you want to funk?

[squiggles2]

Can't mention that I'm mourning my father and having a very difficult time because my friend tried to kill himself using me. That only reminds him that he never met his dad and I'm not "helping him" in that way.

 

[squiggles2]

Ok @Demonic87, other than shutting up and not shouting into the void and actually getting a therapist that you won't trust and won't talk to like this, what would you do in my situation.

Let your friends die (even more of them) and just separate from family and go trollop around the world and pretend like none of this is happening?

 

[squiggles2]

I took a shower. The response ... not there.

You want to know the difference between @BiteySnek and me. He is locked into his own head permanently (so to speak there is always hope). We've both experienced the very worse this world has to offer without any real upside at all. And no "TOPSIDE", that momentary pause in the negativity that allows you to breath doesn't count.

He is talking his way through this just like I am. He's doing his thing. I've read a lot of what he has to say. It always circles back around. I never find the point of what he is saying. He is trying to describe the same things that I'm trying to explain. Seeing is believing. But his words don't let him articulate the actual point or what you actually need to look out for while you are in the midst of this kind of experience.

That isn't his fault. His brain works the way his brain works.

My brain works very differently and most people don't like it. That's because most of you DO NOT GET TO EXPERIENCE THE THINGS THAT I AM DESCRIBING.

I am convinced that @BiteySnek is experiencing the same thing that I am experiencing, but he doesn't have the way to put the words together in a way that makes sense for other people.

This isn't an attack, it is just an observation.

The fact that almost none of you know what I'm talking about means that you are all VERY FUCKING LUCKY. Even if you don't think so.

 

[squiggles2]

Compromise. I'll leave this website alone for a little while again while I absorb what's happened to me. I won't share how I had the chance to reconnect to humanity at large, but a very small action of me not accepting the offer when I was at my absolute lowest was the cause for the "technology gods" to once again decide that I don't get the privilege to do so, even if I now wanted to do so.

 

[squiggles2]

I mean literally. What the fuck?

Today's disaster. Court papers being served to serve a bench warrant for my best friend's arrest because they are being sneaky as shit and fucking with him at every chance they can get.

"We put papers on your car" - Fucking lie!
"We tried to call you" - Fucking lie!
You fucking liars can go fuck yourselves from the deepest part of my heart.

 

[squiggles2]

To serve those papers to my mother and make her sign for them? Fuck you. All offense.

 

[squiggles2]

There are a bunch of other people on this forum who are having the very same but distinctly different experience. None of you seem to be able to put it into words to describe what it is that you are experiencing.

Is me defining what I'm experiencing right or wrong. Yes or no. That is what I want to know.

I know you want me to stop doing this. But, you know I won't.

How long do we get to extend Lent for this time around? How long until there is a final resolution to the horrible problems that, if I wasn't there and thinking and reacting, would have caused the destruction of my friends and family?

All because I got in a bad mood once and made the misfortune of logging into this forum.

 

[squiggles2]

The thing that you all don't want to admit is that "Yeah, he's right" "How does he know?" "How did he know that exactly 7 days afterwards that this was going to be the moment for more?"

Easy, because I told you that is my mind process. You are working within the bounds of the laws where you cannot break them otherwise it would be all over and now its on.

 

[squiggles2]

Now I have the ball and you don't like it. You want me to pass the ball like it has always been passed. But I'm not going to do that because this is bullshit.

Someone has to be the cycle breaker. Someone has to be the combo breaker.

 

[squiggles2]

It's a win for tonight that I'm not going to go out and I'm not going to get more liquor to deal with this. That is the win.

Whether or not I'm going through a half an ounce of ketamine every 10 days and using seltzers to ease this pain, I'll get to that later.

 

[squiggles2]

Consider that a shot across the bow those who are opposing me.

 

[squiggles2]

It's the circle of life!!!!♪♫

I guess @BiteySnek and me aren't that different after all. My circles just happen to be a feedback loop to protect those that I love when some shady forces come to try to knock us down.

I'm about to get a lawyer disbarred. How is that for entertainment?

The drama continues ... the drama continues ... ♪♫

I'll make a beat for that last line.

 

[Demonic87]

Ok @Demonic87, other than shutting up and not shouting into the void and actually getting a therapist that you won't trust and won't talk to like this, what would you do in my situation.

Let your friends die (even more of them) and just separate from family and go trollop around the world and pretend like none of this is happening?

I'd let friends die and trollop around the world. Relationships live and die every minute, but you've got your life to live. Those people aren't going to live it for you.

 

[squiggles2]

I'd let friends die and trollop around the world. Relationships live and die every minute, but you've got your life to live. Those people aren't going to live it for you.

And that is the difference between you and me my friend. I won't do that.

 

[squiggles2]

11:12 damn it!

So, I'm not going to become "QuietCow"™

I've learned something new tonight. I've learned why "mutes" or "mute people" exist. Yeah, don't fucking do that either. That sucks as well.

I got put into that "feeling" that can become permanent with other people who can't get out of it either. Keep it coming boys!

Who wants to see this case go to the Supreme Court? I fucking definitely do. I want to see someone badly disgraced for trying this.

 

[squiggles2]

More night raking!

Hey, someone mentioned a raccoon and a raccoon happened to me like a few minutes later. How about that one?

Coincidence or planned? Or does someone know the future better than I do?

Probably the latter.

 

[squiggles2]

I do have to look out for actual frostbite tonight. I'm numbing the hell out of my system and I cannot feel things and I know my feet are cold. I'll keep coming back every few to tell you something else to make sure I don't actually hurt myself permanently.

 

[squiggles2]

I might as well give you the latest tunes:

 

[squiggles2]

With so many forces pitted against me and with so much going on all the time, it is easy to give in and just take the easy way out. Not me.

I'm going to continue to shine.

 

[Demonic87]

And that is the difference between you and me my friend. I won't do that.

You still have time to learn, my good sir. Superficial relationships will occupy your mind and prove to be hindering over time. It's up to you to let go of the fallacy that everybody within your circle actually care. Humans, by nature, are social animals, but given the technological advances, social bonds can be broken in an instant.
Society is different than it was 30 or more years ago. It's dead. Everything is done through different devices. Good for you if you actually see these people in person. It still doesn't mean they care for you. It's take nothing more than a tap of the phone or a click of a button to end everything.
Live for you. I've learned being selfish (just for your mental state) does wonders. Self isolation sucks, but is also sobering at the same time. You need you time. That time is not to be solely devoted to others. You don't get it back.