Tell me legal things I can do with my hooker that won't make her run away.

I've decided to contain 100% of my future sex posting to this thread. My penis cannot be contained but I don't want to get my jizz all over the forum. I doubt I'm the only sex freak here but I'm pretty open about things unlike people who keep their bdsm dildos secret.
 
I'm not sure if I was molested as a child, there are blanks in my memory. Some rooms in my mind are just black holes I cannot remember. I think someone may have done things to my butt and now I'm constantly sex skewed.
 
Teach her how to juggle while you ride around on a tricycle and honk an ahooga horn. Then take her to Burger King.
 
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