Tell me legal things I can do with my hooker that won't make her run away.

I've decided to contain 100% of my future sex posting to this thread. My penis cannot be contained but I don't want to get my jizz all over the forum. I doubt I'm the only sex freak here but I'm pretty open about things unlike people who keep their bdsm dildos secret.
 
I'm not sure if I was molested as a child, there are blanks in my memory. Some rooms in my mind are just black holes I cannot remember. I think someone may have done things to my butt and now I'm constantly sex skewed.
 
Legal things? Help her repeal her rent increase with legal means maybe.
 
Teach her how to juggle while you ride around on a tricycle and honk an ahooga horn. Then take her to Burger King.
 
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