When's the last time you've shit yourself

About a few months ago I was really fucking wasted half way to the bathroom and BOOM! just shitted...it was a raw runny shit..shit all over the floor. Threw out the clothes I was wearing. I had to have two showers that day to get the nasty smell off me. Good thing I didn't have any company around that day either.
 
Literally today

I thought it was a wet fart but then I realized It was a buttload of liquid booboo

kT6qC1j.jpg


the white spot is where the booboo was
 
Literally today

I thought it was a wet fart but then I realized It was a buttload of liquid booboo

kT6qC1j.jpg


the white spot is where the booboo was
Hell yeah i drank a whole thing of Nyquil last week and drank a bunch of keystones and my shit was blue and i almost shit myself like 5 times and i has blue skid marks it was cool i shoulda took pics
 
As a kid when running to toilet after buying ice from a kiosk, frankly it was in the pocket. I had a homo colleague who put laxatives into my coffee, but I held it like a champ, reportedly I smelled like shit though.
 
Finally a true shitpost.

So I've done it twice, and had about half a dozen close calls.

These all center around movie theaters or restaurants.

First time: 18 in my first duty station down in Florida. We were going to see the movie "Snatch" and just ate at Hooters. I had a Mahi Mahi that didn't sit well. These fuckers wouldn't pull over, too busy laughing their ass off. Totally worth it because Snatch was a great movie.

Second: seeing Logan. I was done with the movie, taking a piss when I sharted. Luckily I was already in the bathroom so I cleaned up nicely.

Almost had a close call on my way to see Force Awakens, pulled into an alley and dropped a Cleveland steamer in the pouring rain.
 
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One time I shit myself in the last 20 minutes of football practice when I suddenly got sick as hell -I think it was a two-a-day too. Somehow it didn't get through my clothes/pads, but I could see something runny and dark underneath my white nylon practive pants.. It was as if I was wearing a latex glove filled with shit because the pants were very very tight on me and didn't let any of the liquid booboo spill out onto unsuspecting innocent bystanders.

I somehow managed to make it through the last half hour of practice with everybody complaining of the smell but no one knew who it was, surprisingly.
Even when I made it into the locker room and immediately went into the toilet no one suspected a thing.

I.. Have.. Never.. Shit. So. Much. In. My. Life.

Have you ever filled a toilet bowl almost to the brim?
Well, I did.

I honestly wish I had taken a picture, it was truly awe-inspiring.

Then I had to ride the bus home. Again, everybody smelled it but was unaware it was me.
I'm pretty sure I got shit on the seat so even after I left the bus the remaining people who were left on didn't suspect a thing because it still smelled like hot rotten booboo

I think that's all for my poop stories.

Except that time when I was 6 and I really had to poop and I didn't make it to the bathroom. Instead of shitting myself I pooped in my hands and brought it to my mom while histerically in tears not knowing what to do with the brick I had just laid upon myself.

true stories too


Don't even get me started on peeeing the bed
 
Nah man, you have something wrong with you, for real.

One time I ruptured a mans left lung from the blast wave produced by my acute explosive hot diarrhea syndrome going into a temporary relapse. There was actual carnage after that event. Carnage.
 
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